A royal wedding devoid of ancestors’ blessings that went awry

BY GRACE NAKATO

While I was growing up my mind was fed on Enid Blyton with princes and knights in shining armour turning common girls into princesses.

Even though in some cases there was a ghastly frog to kiss. As I grew older I learnt that shining armor is actually quite heavy and there are very few notable princes in my social circles.

Todays Generation-Y, have been cultured on Mexican soaps that bring Mills & Boon to life and there is a lot of focus on weddings and zero on marriages or wedded bliss.

This is why I am not surprised at the Royal Wedding, not Kate and Prince William, but Chris and Princess Ruth of Tooro Kingdom.

Princess

Here is a 23-years-old lass who, being a princess, has never known a day of work. She does not know what unmanicured nails look like nor what fatigue from a day of labour feels like.

She hooks herself a Pastor’s son; a hard working African American 28-year-old who knows what it means to hustle. They fall in love and a whirlwind romance winds up with a marriage proposal.

The elders of the Kingdom are up in arms, but the Queen Mother comes to the young couple’s defence and says that she need not marry a royal as there is already a Prince in the family; her elder brother.

Princess Ruth has spent most of her formative years abroad. And the norms and cultures of the land decree that she should at least spend one month being groomed by the family aunts into the norms and expectations of a princess, wife and mother. She barely manages a week at home before the nuptials.

Ancestors

The die has been cast! The voice of doom can be heard. On her wedding day it rains cats and dogs and the elders can be seen nodding —the ancestors are not pleased.

Couldn’t she find a nice Mtooro man or a royal from the surrounding kingdoms?

We, the well-wishers, and sight seers who are avidly soaking up the gossip about the financial status of the kingdom can only look on and catch snippets. The honeymoon is delayed as the couple can hardly afford a trip across the ocean.

Queen Mother comes to their rescue and a Nairobi honeymoon is organised a month later to coincide with the December holidays. Barely a year later the can of worms explodes and Chris has sued for divorce!

Honeymoon-

According to the dirty linen hanging all over the local tabloids and social media, Princess was busy gallivanting with her pals of mixed gender all over Nairobi.

She apparently caught herpes or he caught her in bed with the hotel manager, or both! Chris decided to go Old Testament and take an eye for an eye by also inviting a nice yellow-yellow to enjoy his attentions. The honeymoon and wedding were both over within a week of their stay in Nairobi.

Chris took a flight to the USA, and asked for a separation. Princess Ruth took her rant to social media and began a spirited attack detailing unfaithfulness of Chris before the wedding. She claimed that her cousin was the cause of her being pushed into another’s arms!

What happened to ‘till death do us part’? Why did she marry him in the first place if he was already cheating? Who should we believe? Will there be a movie? Let us wait and see.