Is your daughter safe in your country?

BY TED MALANDA

Barely a week after pastor TD Jakes had called us ‘natives’ who survive on his borehole, another American rubbed another insult into the wound.

This American has obtained a court order barring his 22month old baby, who happens to be our grandchild because her mother is our daughter, from visiting our hakuna matata republic because Kenya is not safe. What nonsense!

I noted with self-righteous rage that the Kangaroo court had made that ruling totally oblivious of the fact that we had just celebrated Mashujaa Day.

A shindig where our Defence Forces put up a spectacular show, displaying the sort of discipline, fortitude and skills that saw them annihilate 10-15 armed al-Shabaab brigands in a couple of hours.

Squirm

But a headline in the same newspaper made me squirm: “Homes were marked for burning, ICC told.” Isn’t it annoying how newspapers like regurgitating old stuff when everyone has moved on? Yaliopita ni ndwele.

 I was still angry at that American when I read, “Samantha, that silly bandit, was living in Lavington.” Lavington? A terrorist on a global watch list was hanging around one of the safest addresses in town?

 And then another headline hit me full in my fat African face: Fear as kidnappers strike again. Apparently, 11 people have been kidnapped so far in Kirinyaga, of all places.

But that was nothing compared to, “Self-confessed killer appears in court.” Oh yes. The bugger not only killed his wife over Sh50 but also opened up her belly with a blunt kitchen knife and spread her intestines on the table. 

Crime

Right across the page was two more interesting headlines: Police given vehicles to boost war on crime. Big deal. Beneath that headline was “Businessman robbed of Sh2.8 million on way to bank”.

I flipped over the page. First was a photograph of a bleeding matatu conductor who had been clobbered with metal bar by an angry passenger, most likely over Sh10 and ‘Plan mooted to recover police guns’. No doubt in Baragoi, where hooligans slaughter 50 policemen like chicken and nearly a year after, the government is still ‘mooting plans’.

The next page was no better: Hooligans invade the pitch during a previous Gor match. That was a reference to events last week when Gor Mahia fans clobbered a goalie for saving a penalty. He stopped a Gor penalty? The reckless fool!

Nabbed

Along the way was an Akorino couple who were nabbed with  two AK47 rifles and 83 rounds of ammunition; a trader who had been robbed of Sh150,000 by armed gangsters; a schoolgirl who had been raped and stabbed to death; and a warning that drunk chiefs would be fired. I have never understood our government’s preoccupation with issuing warnings.

And finally was this father of four who had been jailed for 20 years for rape. He attempted to squirm out of trouble by bribing his victim with Sh1,000 to ‘keep the secret’.

It obviously never occurred to the randy idiot that he could procure the services of a harlot at a fraction of that money.

Anyway, if you were a mzungu, would you allow your ex wife to fly your 22 month old daughter to this land that brims with matata? Not me.