Who calls the shots in the marital bed?

By TONY MASIKONDE

In high school, there is a senior teacher who besides teaching his or her specialised subject, also develops the timetable. They call this person the timetabler.

In college or varsities, the person in charge of timetable, study schedules and related stuff is the dean of studies.

At the home front, the madam is in charge of day to day running of home affairs that includes the day’s menu and a raft of other trivialities.

But who is in charge of deciding which days to get romping?

Usually, it would appear on paper a man’s calling. After all, is he not the provider and the head of the house?

Litany

But men have been craftily denied the all-important decision making role in intimate matters by their better halves.

From toothache to a litany of other excuses, men are increasingly finding themselves isolated in when to get down on it.

Frao, since he is not married, gets his mostly at the weekend or when he is with any of his many mistresses. After a certain level of investment in drinks and lovey dovey, they know that it’s unlikely he will let them off scot-free.

But the same cannot be said of the ‘zero-grazed’ Mark and Brayo.

So last Friday, Brayo’s case brought up the topic. He was obviously in a hurry, which is very unlike him, especially with the frothy waters flowing. On probing further, he foolishly let it out that he had a date with his missus.

Naughty

“Why are you going to a separate bar to drink with your madam, when we can all sit here and catch up?” Frao quizzed him.

He informed us that he was actually headed home. These guys do not have babies, so there was only one conclusion; they were perhaps going to make one.

It seemed fine until, Mike the naughty radio presenter pointed out. “Look guys, let my brother go get his love, perhaps it comes in measured doses.”

Everyone blurted out laughing. Brayo shook his head, gulped the drink down and sauntered out. Mike was on it the following day on radio as his breakfast topic.

As you would expect it, elicited a lot of heated debate. A good number of men declared that a woman is part of a man’s earthly possession. One caller said all he needed to do while they are in bed is clear the throat and she would quickly turn around towards him as she shed any cloth that would be on her body.

While most women dismissed this caller coming very close to getting vulgar and personal on national radio, one woman actually called to declare that she doesn’t get enough.

“Just call me Sue and I can tell you, for sure, that I get it once every couple months. Of course, this is nowhere near enough for me; four to five times a week would be perfect, but I take what I can get.”

Stress reliever

Her husband says it’s a cause of depression and stress. “But I think that sex is a great stress reliever,” Mike interjected.

“Sure, it keeps me from depression.  But in my relationship as it is, it’s the number one cause of my depression. It makes me feel like my husband isn’t turned on by me, or doesn’t want me anymore.

I know he’s tired and drained all the time, and I understand that, so I don’t even push it anymore because I’m tired of the rejection.” The next set of calls was from men offering her some you know what.