Old man silences commuters after spoiling air

By SILAH KOSKEI

A fortnight ago, parroty commuters aboard a matatu on transit to their homes in Eldoret— after a hard day’s work — got a rude shock when a man alighting silenced them with one hell of explosive fart that got everyone gasping for fresh air!

The old man who had quaffed copious amounts of liquor — evidenced by his alcohol-smelling breath — ingeniously silenced the cacophonous passengers by saying bye in style!

ICC

The passengers heading home were so engrossed with discussions on the ongoing International Criminal Court (ICC) cases being held at The Hague.

The discussion, which had seen both women and men aboard the matatu enjoined on the topic, had set stage for those against and for the witness withdrawals at the ICC ,and the small matter of an Eldoret-based journalist issued with an arrest warrant. Perhaps, not willing to be an amicas curiae to the interesting discussion, the visibly irritated old man gazed ahead, uninterested in on-going discussion around him.

The old man approximated to be in his late 60’s, seemed perturbed by the unseen activities in the stomach through his twitching and loud rumbles — heard across the entire row where he sat! Upon arrival to his destination, the man shouted at the conductor, “wewe manamba hebu simamisha hii mkebe, wacha nishukishe hapo haraka (hey you tout, stop this jalopy for me to alight) as he made his way towards the door, amidst the inevitable inertia, which was experienced by the sudden screech of the vehicle’s breaks.

 

After the stop, he staggered towards the door, and hey presto, there came the ice breaker; the man let out a rapturous and chocking fart as the driver engaged the car to the highway.

Fresh air

The rippling effect of the choking fart smell worked magic as it spread fast across the matatu, grinding the loud discussion to a halt, as every passenger struggled to force the firm windows open.

“Fungueni dirisha tafadhali, sisi tunaumia kwa harufu (please open the windows, that smell will chock us) one woman seated at the back could be hard lamenting. Those on window seats got the privilege to catch the much-needed fresh air. The silence and ‘recovery’ from the fart effect did not last for long as the passengers spontaneously brought back the house to a sensational laughter.

One man was heard commenting on the pungent smell, which had hushed the entire matatu. “Yenyewe hiyo harufu imeshinda ile ya potassium kwani huyu mzee alikula panya (the pungent smell is so strong and rotten than potassium, could he have eaten a rat)?, leaving the embarrassed commuters in stitches.

One woman from the front could be heard saying, “wazee wanastahili kuwa na heshima haswa kwa gari, kwa sababu kunyamba nyamba mbele yetu sio vizuri (elderly men ought to be respectful, especially in matatus, because breaking wind — rather loudly — in public is not a good).

The turn of events changed the topic of discussion to the embarrassing incident until when everybody arrived at their destination.