Be less ‘sexist’ to raise tolerant kids

By JOHN MUTURI

You probably don’t regard yourself as ‘sexist,’ and you’re probably confident that you give your children equal opportunities irrespective of their sex. But think about your own attitudes for a moment.

Have you ever bought a friend’s baby boy a pink outfit, or a baby girl a blue outfit? Probably not — the chances are that you automatically associate pink with girls and blue with boys. Have you ever described a boy as ‘pretty’ or a girl as ‘handsome’? Probably not, we’ve certain adjectives that we use only to describe boys and others we use only to describe girls.

All of us are ‘sexist’ to some extent (which means we have a stereotyped view of the behaviour and emotions we expect from boys and girls). The sex-role stereotypes you hold influence your children’s gender identity (their sense of ‘boy–ness’ and ‘girl—ness’).

Studies have proved that women unconsciously behave differently towards boys than girls particularly when the children are less than five years old. For example, they keep a baby girl close to them and spend more time in direct contact with her than they do with a baby boy. They encourage boys to be more adventurous than girls, and also tend to praise and criticise girls more than boys.

Another investigation focused on the emotions that mothers assume their young children have. It revealed that they are reluctant to admit girls have negative feelings such as bad temper and aggressiveness. Yet they have no difficulty attributing these emotions to boys.

If you have a lifestyle that is traditionally associated with your gender, then your child is likely to regard this as the normal pattern. If you have the attitude that boys are better than girls at sporting activities such as football, then your child will begin to think the same way. Children are more likely to be broad-minded when their parents are less sexist in outlook.

Because of stereotyping, children as young as three, have clear ideas about sex roles. Boys and girls tend to think that girls like to play with dolls, help their mother, like to cook dinner, clean the house, talk a lot, never hit, and frequently ask for help; and both boys and girls think that boys like to play with cars, help their father, build things, and tell others ‘I can hit you.’

By school age, these ideas have become firmly fixed and the children consider that:

• Males have more physical strength than females.

• Boys and girls wear different clothes.

• Boys are not expected to show feelings as openly as girls.

• Girls respond more to polite requests than boys.

To encourage your child to have a less conventional, less stereotyped view of sex roles:

• Be aware of your own views. You need to have a clear and honest understanding of your own thoughts about sex roles; only then will you be ready to change how you interact with your child.

• Provide your child with a range of toys. Ensure you have a range of so-called ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ toys, and at times, encourage him or her to play with toys traditionally associated with the opposite gender.