I’m under pressure to wed in church

My parents are exerting pressure on us to have a church wedding. We have been customarily married for seven years and have two children. The problem is that we are struggling through life trying to educate our children and make it through life. Our incomes are barely enough to meet our day-to-day needs. They have put an ultimatum for end of this year, but I know we are not ready for this financially. They don’t seem to understand that even though friends may chip in, we have to bear the greater financial responsibility. This is taking a toll on my husband. How can I help in sorting this out?

{Silvia}

My two cents on the issue — a church wedding need not be expensive if all your parents want is for God’s blessings upon your union. All you need is the couple and their witnesses, two are sufficient. If the parents would like to witness, you may have a small wedding with the parents and siblings, and lunch or dinner at your home thereafter.

(Joan)

The decision whether or not to have a church wedding depends on a couple. In your case, there is an outside force, get to the bottom of the matter and let your parents explain why they think this is good for you.

(Molly Daisy)

All your parents want is to bless your union, you don’t have to do a big wedding. Call your parents to your house and let your pastor bless the union in front of them. 

(Ben Shikuku)

Who said weddings are an expensive affair? You can have a simple church wedding in the presence of your parents. The union is between you and your hubby, so it shouldn’t be a public affair in the first place.

(Onyango Outha)

With or without a church wedding, you two know where your relationship stands. Your parents are a third party in this case, they shouldn’t pressure you.

 (Ouma Ragumo)

It is not a bad idea to wed, but it must be within your means. You and your husband must tell them how good the idea is, but how much you cannot afford it.

(Tasma Charles)

My take:

A church wedding is a good thing. Another positive thing is that you are conscious about your financial status as opposed to many who turn a blind eye to it to please relatives and friends only to end up deep in debt. Even though friends contribute, the greatest responsibility lies with you. However, do not lose hope as a wedding does not have to be as flamboyant as people put it as. With careful thinking, people have organised low cost weddings and lived happily ever after. Remember the most important thing is the vows and commitment to each other. A wedding lasts a day, but the marriage will last a lifetime. Many couples have ended up under auction a few months after the wedding for debts they undertook to finance their wedding — you don’t want to get yourself into such a situation. If you really have to do it, organise one, but one that fits within your means.

{Taurus}

In the next issue:

I am a graduate working in a financial institution in Nairobi. I have always had an interest in venturing into self-employment especially farming. My parents will hear nothing about that and have made it clear that I can only do that at my own risk and that I should not expect any help from them. The other thing is that my wife has taken a similar position and has vowed not to support me in any way making it clear that I should take care of my responsibilities. With my job, I hardly have anything left to save or invest, and I feel like I am living from hand to mouth with no prospects for any financial breakthrough. I don’t know what to do but I think this is my only chance at success in my life. Please advice...

{Andrew}