Women use ingenious ways to spread risks

By TONY MASIKONDE

Once upon a time, women were the hunted species as men keen to exercise their machismo outdid each other to land a beautiful girl.

Modern day women have changed the rules of the game. They are the hunters and instead of taking aim at one man and risk missing the target, they do what my pal Kevo, an auditor per excellence, call hedging the risks.

Last Friday, Frao, Mark and I decided to do our monthly beer test. “What the hell is a beer test”, I hear you screaming aloud.

Connoisseurs

This is a safety measuring mechanism that we developed as friends, back in the days, to ensure that we do not become alcoholics. The beer test has nothing to do with tasting the beers in unmarked glasses, to guess how refined connoisseurs we are at beer matters. Rather, it is a day we take a rest from the beer, just to prove to ourselves that we can say no to alcohol, against a background of many offers. And the fun that goes with drenching one’s thirst. To ensure we overcome the greatest temptation, the beer test is done of a Friday or Saturday evening.

So last Friday, found us hounded together at a Nairobi Coffee house as the skies threatened to open. We were sipping awful tasting coffee that was awfully costly. Stacy joined us as she waited for her hubby to finish doing a CAT at the University of Nairobi. Then an sms came through at Frao’s phone. It was from Carol 7. Yes, that tells you he has seven girls named Carol in his phone’s contacts. Some men are doing quite well, I tell you. But what stunned him was the content of the message. “Thank you darling. Got the 5K. I will   visit the saloon tomorrow morning and look beautiful in time for our date later in the day. Mwah. Kisses and lots of love”

Even if he is one of the smoothest players in town, that surprised him. To the best of his recollection, he could not clearly remember this girl. Secondly, he had not sent anyone any money leave alone this stranger.

Ingenious

Now this immediately became the topic of our discussion. How had that happened? At first, we were tempted to dismiss it as a stray message. But we couldn’t as Frao had her number. Thoughts of calling her crossed our minds, but Frao was reluctant to let us call her. Then Stacy suddenly had a revelation.

“I think I know what has happened.” She exclaimed. This caught our attention. “I have experienced a similar case with my cousin George. The girls have become quite ingenious in a bid to survive the biting economic realities of modern living”, Stacy explained.

 The damsels, in the language of the late king of African Literature Chinua Achebe have learnt to shoot without missing and fly without perching. 

How? They usually send a funds appeal to 15 to 20 men who they will have carefully picked their numbers in the social scene. They then send a romantic sweet sounding ‘harambee appeal’ touching on sensitive matters as money for hospital or for salon. After that the girl relaxes back and waits for the bastards to fall over themselves.

Out of 20 men, at least a third of them will be foolish enough to give in to the sweet nothings. They will bolt to the nearest money transfer agent to complete the transaction. Once the beep on her phone has gone quite for about an hour, it’s an indication that the funds drive is over. As a caring woman, she now takes up the task of thanking those who have heeded her call.

 As fate would have it, once in a while, you get to mix up the names of those who sent you the money. When that happens stray messages happen!