If you don't believe in yourself, who will?

By JENNIFER KARINA

The attitude we bring into our relationships is what determines whether or not we shall find happiness and fulfilment in life. Generally, attitude is determined by levels of self-worth and self-confidence.  Self-worth is our view of who we are; the perception we have of ourselves. If it is positive, we become self confident as a result. On the other hand, if it is negative, we have a low self-esteem. Our self worth is instilled from early childhood and particularly the adolescence period. Being constantly criticised by parents and significant others strips one of their self worth. As a young person, it is easy to seek fulfilment in validating self through romantic relationships and any attention paid to you simply blows you over! This sometimes, has devastating consequences of hurt, rejection, sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancies resulting to depression and psychological trauma.

Self-awareness

Before getting involved in a dating relationship, it is important to know yourself, understand your values, experiences, temperaments, personality and preferences. Often the success of a relationship is determined by self awareness, attitudes, and value systems. Concept of self affects our expectations and worldview and affects relationships with potential lovers. If you have low self worth, it may be helpful to address the same before plunging into a relationship and work on your personal development.

While it’s true that a healthy and happy relationship should do yourself worth a lot of good, if your self-worth is wanting, there isn’t much that anyone can do to make a difference. Your partner may do all they can to compliment and affirm you, but you will find it difficult to believe them. On the other hand, you may be so taken with the compliments that you will seek to rotate your life around them simply because they make you feel valued. You may also tend to feel your partner is too good for you, and, therefore, feel unworthy of their love.  Such feelings can seriously damage a relationship. Besides it can have devastating consequences by impacting negatively on one’s self-esteem and consequently their self worth.

Many young people have shared that one of the reasons they have been challenged in life is as a result of fear; fear that they are not good enough, that they cannot achieve their dreams, that they have never met their parental expectations and yes fear of being judged by others resulting to a low self worth and lack of confidence.

Take Responsibility

If you have a low self worth, you can work on it and excel in whatever you wish to do. I am often encouraged by this scripture, memorise it, own it and practice it; “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13.

Tips to build your self worth:

• Dress well

• Groom yourself

• Exercise good hygiene

• Practice good posture

• Have a positive attitude

• Know yourself better through personal development

• Be gentle on yourself

• Increase competence and learn a new skill

• Have an attitude of gratitude

• Smile and be friendly.

Always remember you are fearfully and wonderfully created in the image of God!

The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, |Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke