Burglars steal crime report from cop’s house

By Mark Mutahi

A report showing crime rate has reduced was stolen from a senior police officer’s study when thugs gained entry into his house.

This followed a security lapse caused by laxity on the part of the junior officers guarding the residence. The senior cop had been preparing the report for weeks, and was set to present it the following day.

Interestingly, when the senior police officer learnt that thugs had gained entry into his house, he immediately locked himself in the only room in the house that had a reinforced door, leaving his wife and two teenage daughters to their own devices.

Thugs

Without any male threat around the house, the thugs who  were three in number then forced the spoilt daughters to do something they have never done — cook. This is despite the girls’ pleading that their nail polish was freshly done. As the daughters burnt the food, the thugs forced the woman of the house to meanwhile keep them entertained by singing hymns and when she ran out of songs, they asked her to belt out the National Anthem in sheng.

After they were full with horrible food, the thugs then went about ransacking the house. The three women quickly surrendered their mobile phones, but instead of taking the phones, the thugs made it clear they were only interested in the loyalty points — which the three women quickly surrendered.

 When they got to the study and found the laptop, they checked through it and were amazed by the huge collection of music it contained. That’s when they decided to carry it away with a promise to return it once they had copied the mp3 files. With their mission accomplished, the thugs then shook hands with  their victims, wished them a good night and left.

The report the senior police officer was preparing contained statistics showing that crime in the country has dramatically taken a nose dive. It is not known how such a deduction could have been made, unless another crime — cooking up figureshad — been committed while conducting the research. This is because evidence on the ground seems to suggest the opposite. In some areas, for instance, crime has hit such alarming levels that even petrol stations are having gates installed. And in some tough neighbourhoods, when church ushers are going around the places of worship collecting tithe, they have to be escorted by armed administration police officers. There are also unconfirmed reports suggesting that in some of the worst-hit areas mosquitoes don’t dare come out at night.

Vigilante

However despite the incidence, the senior police officer is said to have refused to report the matter officially fearing professional embarrassment. His larger extended family might also disown him for the cowardice he displayed while his in-laws might slap him with a goat fine.

To protect the police officers now that they have also become targets of crime, a city resident has suggested that the solution lies in allowing members of the public living around police stations, police posts and police housing quarters to form vigilante groups that will be conducting regular patrols to ensure the safety of our officers.