I will marry when I want

By Shirley Genga

Being single is not a death sentence, so please take your pity somewhere where it is needed!

The other day one of my cousin’s decided to regale me with unsolicited tales about her fabulous, happy and full married life. She talked about her two children and how her life was now so busy, especially over the weekends as she now had so many people she was looking after.

And after she was done with her unremarkable tales about nose whipping, baby poop, and monotonous Sunday family day outs with her husband and kids at Rock City (or wait, maybe it was Kenchic, I am not really sure because I was not listening), she turned and looked at me with pity in her eyes and asked the ‘annoying’ clueless question: “Now that you are single independent woman what do you do over the weekend, you must be lonely and bored?”

Yeah, perhaps because it is “absolutely” impossible to have a full and happy life as a single person! I mused.

She is not alone, most people who have crossed over into the “I do” side of relationships or who are in a committed relationships, believe that people who are single spend their weekends curled up in the foetus position crying while in the company of five cats and mtumba teddy bears.

Society in general has this warped view about being single. The way people talk about being single you would think it is some sort of incurable disease. Yet in today’s world there are single people everywhere. With the demands of higher education, female emancipation and the soaring divorce rates, singledom is practically becoming a new lifestyle choice. Or an opportunity, depending on how one looks at it.

missery

But do not get me wrong, I do not abhor marriage or relationships. In fact, I believe in marriage. It is a wonderful and rewarding institution especially when done at the right time and with the right person. But that does not mean that taking the option to remain single or singlehood brought about by uncontrollable circumstances must be a cesspool of utter misery.

Single life is peaceful and liberating. Do not believe what every smug married person or that “guy” (the one who no one seems to know or have met) who sets societal norms that everyone blindly follows, tells you. There is plenty to be enjoyed over in the singles corner.

Top on the list of most attractive qualities of being single is, freedom. There is freedom to be spontaneous and flexible without having to think about a second party. Freedom to do what one wants, when one wants without having to consult, include or ask for permission.

 Other attractive perks include: quality ‘alone time’, girls’ night out overload, no annoying in-laws you have to impress and lack of partner induced drama. You do not have to be considerate or to put up with a loved ones annoying habits and you have an obligation to spoil yourself silly. Best of all, you can date whomever you want.

 So sisters, do not get into a relationship with any Tom, Dick or Harry. Not everyone in a relationship is happiest. Ignore those stories that claim that single people are lonely people who talk to cats, and only get into a relationship when you are good and ready.