Time to beat the swag out of dating

By OYUNGA PALA

There is a TV show on KTN known as Tujuane. The reality TV concept is based on a blind date theme, set in a restaurant where odd couples are paired up in the desperate hope that their chemistry will ignite after a single date under the full glare of camera. I have not watched enough shows to give a balanced critique, but the three shows I caught, while channel surfing, left a sinking feeling.

CHIVALRY

The show was painful to watch, mostly because the three brothers I caught on the dock, seemed awfully at loss at how to play ‘the man’ on a date. They came across as nervous and inept in the field of modern dating rituals or emasculated.

The show draws a lot of feedback on social media and what most of the men get is pity, mostly from older guys who can empathise with frustration of finding acceptance in the eyes of a desirable woman.

Despite the loud noises generated over the diva tendencies of some the women cast, the sad picture painted is that the average young man is totally at loss in the modern dating scene. Most seem to be playing outside their league, desperately trying to craft a champagne experience on a beer budget. Many are trying to find love in spaces where they do not belong.

The desperation to be seen as masculine is evident in the flawed swag concept. When a man has swag, which in my opinion is a mishmash of fashion trend slavery, money to flash and a car that turns heads, only then can he stand a chance of find a partner worthy of his efforts.

The poster child of this imagery is rapper Prezzo.  Young women still expect men to be rich romantics, displaying a brand of chivalry that is now epitomised by Latino soap opera male heroes.  The recurring message of popular media is that when a woman is not happy, it is the man’s fault.

FANTASY

It is no wonder that the constant drone of lonely women in Nairobi is about the lack of good men. The sad fact is that TV programming is emasculating men at a rapid rate. Look at the training, modern day masculinity is scripted to Western ideals of loving bliss that were discredited a decade ago. The TV with its revolving cast of successful handsome heroes has created an impossible standard. This is the flip side of the female Cinderella fantasy where beauty is the ticket to happiness.

GIRDLED

And you really can’t blame a young man growing up in these times for his lack of woman-pleasing skills. Parents, desperate to appear modern, threw away traditional values with the bath water and nurtured boys in the image of the TV good man.

The good man is emotional secure, gainfully employed and sexually competent. There was no prep talk of lives after the white wedding, the pressure of kids, fading looks and middle-aged spreads. As a result, we have a pretty confused bunch of young people on TV shows who think their lack of swag is the one barrier to a fulfilling relationship.

Swag is the girdled cage of unfulfilled masculinity and no matter how many trappings you amass, there will always be more successful men out there to reinforce your insecurity. Accept your flaws young knight. That is what makes you real and there are plenty of women out there who dig that.