A braggart’s invite to the President’s luncheon

By Tony Masikonde

The whole of last week, Frao told all who cared to listen about his invitation to a State luncheon to fete the incoming administration. Like everyone else, I thought he had had one too many.

One of Frao’s major flaws is alcohol and women; he simply has no ‘mechanism’ to deal with these two issues. He is ever ready to plunge.  So I made a mental note to call him in the office come Monday, hoping to get a much sober person.

Granted Frao was sober, or shall I say half sober as he was nursing a hangover the size of a momo. But at least he was able to give me a detailed insight into how he landed the invite. 

I booked a coffee date with Cathy, the party animal in our band of friends. As we waited for our order, I informed Cathy about Frao’s newfound status.

Brayo our resident insurance ‘nuisance’ also joined us.  She initially dismissed the invite saying, “There is no way Frao would get an invite to State House ahead of me. Well… not unless he has disguised himself as a waiter”.

We had chuckled over that, but Brayo still believed Frao may have landed his invite legitimately.

Not keen to accept this, Cathy came up with a new explanation: “Fine, we know UK invited Kuria, his newspaper guy, for the luncheon. So the only way Frao could have landed an invite if he has been the president’s Sh50 bob movie guy.”

That sent us sprawling on the floor!  Well, Frao being in the advertising world, could take on any venture but the thought of him selling bootleg DVD copies to the son of Jomo was simply hilarious. Can you just imagine the conversation?

 “Nowadays you are as rare as the Sitatunga, sir. I know the campaigns are punishing. Can I send you another series called Power Play? It was just released. And by the way, I have James Bond’s Skyfall,” Frao would swing his pitch.

 “Wee, leave that skyfall thing. It will give me jitters with all this campaign flying,” the son of Jomo would admonish Frao.

Frao, hoping to make a kill, would offer a couple of movies and add a few saying “Usiwache hii, boss. I’m sure your kids will love it … Harry Potter the latest. Hii hauwezi pata hata River Road (like UK goes there).

As we were rolling with laughter, my phone rang.

“Frao, how are you my brother?” I yelled. “Am good, having one here with wazees”.

At that juncture Cathy gesticulated and rudely grabbed the phone.

“Boss, do you want to lie to me that you are on speed dial with Uhuru Kenyatta?” she snarled.

Frao quite sure she was out to demean him. “Who wants to know?” he asked.

“Please, my dear…” Cathy said “Don’t get carried away simply because I hear you have swindled your way into a State function”.

“Actually…” she continued, “you need to find out whether your invite is legit or is a fabrication of enterprising Kenyans down Kirinyaga Road!”

And with that, the conversation was over. They have not spoken since though Frao has blurred photos he claims he took at the house on the hill.