How to be a gentleman

By Rozie Juma

I’m a gentleman

Mhealthy nakunywanga tu mavitamins (I’m healthy, I only take vitamins)

Mgenge hata sipendi mavita man (I don’t fight)

Napiga shower nadunga marash (I always shower and wear cologne)...

This is an extract from P-unit and Sauti Sol song, Gentleman. From the song, a gentleman is one who has high hygienic standards, looks after his health and is never involved in fights, among other things. The Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English describes a gentleman as ‘a man who is always polite, has good manners, and treats other people well’.

There are certain standards and behaviours expected of a gentleman. A quick opinion poll in the streets would most likely produce answers such as: A gentleman should hold doors open for women, pull their chairs out at a dinner table, not curse and always being polite.

Others will tell you that a gentleman should not speak loudly, lose his temper, stare, interrupt others, or spit carelessly, and should respect his elders. These are some of the basic manners a gentleman should adhere to.

Covert values

Anyone who wants to be seen as a gentleman can teach themselves to hold doors open for women and to be polite. A true gentleman must, however, have innate gentlemanly qualities that underpin everything that they do.

A gentleman should never inflict pain (caution to wife batterers). He is modest and does not listen to slander or gossip; he is also a generous man (A story is told of a man who would count the pieces of meat left in the sufuria to ensure that nobody touched them until he said so).

 In other words, your character will determine whether you are a gentleman or not.

Going by what Maendeleo ya Wanaume (a local organisation that fights for men’s rights) has experienced in the recent past, would I be wrong to say that the gentleman is an endangered species?

You see, men have been educated to accept equality between the genders. This has, however, had the consequence of rendering the role of the gentleman obsolete. It has made men reluctant to display gentlemanly behaviour for fear of being branded insensitive, chauvinist or sexist.

Do not get me wrong, however, as many women still value men who display gentlemanly qualities. To survive in this era and still qualify to be called a gentleman, be courteous and appreciative of women’s capabilities.

Why the fuss? When a gentleman holds a door open for a woman, he does not do so to impress her; he does it because it is the polite thing to do.

Modern gentlemen will actually have no problem with holding a door open for another man, and this is perhaps where the concept of gender equality and feminism comes into play.

Qualities such as being polite, modest and kind, apply when dealing with everyone regardless of gender or age. In other words, even a gentlewoman should be applauded and embraced.