10 types of visitors we secretly wish would leave

A lazy house guest. (Courtesy/iStock)

Some visitors will make you think that you are a refugee in your own house. Maybe it’s that sister-in-law from shags who comes and boards in your bedsitter for a whole three months in the name of looking for a job. You will be secretly wishing for the day she goes away so that you have your conjugal rights. Here are ten types of annoying visitors every Kenyan wishes away.

1. The control freak

Once she comes to your house, she will be the controller of everything including ordering your children around.  You will no longer watch your favourite programs as she takes over the remote, watching soap operas which you have no iota of interest in. She will also command your wife or maid what to cook or how to set up your house.

2. The home-wrecker

If she is not seducing the man of the house, she will be looking for ways of causing a rift and separating you two. She will tell your wife; her sister that there are better men out there and there is no reason she should stick to a pauper like you.  She also tries her best to find mistakes and weaknesses in you, which she uses to fight against you.

3. Domineering

He will be all over the house and knows nothing about privacy. The dude will storm the bedroom unannounced in the name of needing to ask something.  He will also enter the toilet without knocking, only to shy away after finding you in the act. You will not understand when he comes to the bathroom just when you are changing your clothes.

4. The critic

He will be critiquing you on why you put the family photo in a certain way or why you have not changed your coach for a long time. He will also inform you to your face that the wall unit in your house went out of fashion a long time ago and you need the latest set. The dude will also tell you without remorse on why you need to move to a bigger house since your family has expanded.

5. The detective

She will be in your house for one mission; to know about your secrets and pronounce it to whoever who matters to you.  With only two days in your house, she already knows how much you are earning and your other extra sources of money. You will be surprised to hear your mother already knows you are planning a wedding next year and you have not told her yet.

6. The lazy bone

She does not only remain unproductive all the time she is in your abode, but doesn’t bother herself looking for a job to make her busy. When you wake up at 4 am to beat the traffic jam at Jogoo Road, she will sleep until 10 or 11 am and instruct the maid to make a cup of tea with toast mayai.

7. The glutton

He always wants to eat to the full and worse, does not want to see any food kept in the fridge. Whenever he is alone in the house, he will take the opportunity to bite and eat every available food. He is the last person to leave the table during lunchtime or dinner and can even tell you to your face that sijashiba mimi.  

8. The kiherehere

She will be talking on top of her voice yet she is a guest in the house. She is the type who will be making comical jokes over serious matters that pertain to your life or family. Her remarks are quite irritating and you intercede silently for her to go back from where she came from.

9. No hurry to leave

He came based on being hosted for two days as he worked out on how to clear the rent arrears that saw his house closed. However, he had no hurry to leave and even went and came back with a whole briefcase-carrying his clothes.

10. Holidaymaker

He could be having money and even does vibarua here and there but will never chip in even when the situation is dire.