'Kiss test' and other ways to gauge your marriage is okay

'Kiss test' and other ways to gauge your marriage is okay (Photo: iStock) Hi Chris, How can I check whether my marriage is OK? It's not that anything bad's happened, but I often notice other couples having difficulties and wonder whether my friends can see the cracks appearing in my relationship before I do! Are we OK? Chris says, Hi, Are we OK?! Indeed, our friends often spot the first signs of trouble in our relationships before we do. So watch for what you might be noticing! Like strong couples, they look into each other's eyes a lot. So ask yourself whether your eye contact is fading. Happy couples mirror each other's gestures and tend to walk in sync. So an unsynchronised movement pattern also suggests a problem. Strong couples lean in towards one another and respond to each other with glances and changes in voice tone. So take note if you realise that your husband's stopped getting close, or those responses have stopped. Strong couples stay physically close even during difficult times. They touch one another often, so changes in your usual touching pattern can point to trouble, particularly if it's become less intimate. Good couples kiss a lot, so if your kisses are now only ever quick pecks, then things are unwinding. Take note if your partner doesn't seem concerned about your mood anymore, or doesn't seem to notice when you've become upset, or doesn't make any attempt to comfort you. Make sure you have fun together and tease each other lots. Consciously avoid criticism and contempt. Resist making snide remarks, eye rolling, 'looks', and silences. Be completely honest with one another, and approach problems as a team, seeing challenges as something that affects both of them. Express your feelings clearly. Because the more you show your husband what's bothering you, the more he'll understand how to help you through it. And watch how you make up after an argument. Even before you're over it, you should be starting to restore your emotional connection, because that's more important than hurt feelings. Then you'll know that you'll both always stick around to solve your problems. Through good times and bad. All the best, Chris

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