Why women are better at cheating than men

A dishonest woman hugging her boyfriend and looking down. (Courtesy/iStock)

In terms of design, women are the most complicated vessels, vessels whose algorithmic balance in terms of intake, output and uptake is too complicated for even PhD level mathematics. I read somewhere that everything a woman receives, she is able to magnify it to a larger scale and produce a better version.

If we take garbage in, we generate garbage that is smellier than the untreated Nairobi sewer content. When we receive good content, we produce better output that would please and encourage the investor to inject more funds in whichever form.

While we appreciate love and care, we would appreciate it that we are trusted with finances so that we are able to do our own budgets without interference while the boss sits at the table and waits for his sumptuous meals served hot.

You see, we may not be wash-wash but we have a rare ability to run money through several chamas in one week and make profits enough to report dividends and also meet the intended purpose. We just do not like being grilled on the mechanism of the magical acts that happen in between. I said we are complicated, mostly for the good of everyone.

The reason I say we are products of complex design is because we can make an imbalanced equation work out seamlessly making sure that all parties involved are happy. I think it is an inherent ability installed only in nurturers. Men can hardly multitask; they are simple beings who would cause an accident on the road simply because a random voluptuous posterior walked past.

That such is enough to distract them from their focus should be something that a serious scholar can research to try and provide an explanation. What happened to people staying glued to their goals and making sure they get to the final point while rallying and motivating all stakeholders to stay focused on the deliverables?

Having said that, I would strongly suggest that more women take up senior managerial roles to steer projects to completion within the planned timelines and budget. We obviously have what it takes to have our eyes revolve around like these modern CCTV cameras that see all angles.

We are a perfect balance of emotions and reality. We love from our bellies through our intestines to the heart and head but we are also able to maintain a level of sobriety that informs how resources are sought and dispensed.

You see, most projects fail to achieve the desired goal when budget stressors set in. Same for families. It requires a high level of flexibility and versatility to navigate to safety without losing any member of the team.

Come to think of this, when a man spots a woman with more yellow pigment than the main one, he stops going home and diverts all resources to the new catch leaving not only the wife kwa mataa, but also stops to care that the children need school fee and there is need for rent to be paid.

They operate on a directional-one-band- wavelength that cannot multitask in any case. This is how many hitherto promising families have failed simply because a new office assistant reported to the organisation dragging a larger posterior than Memsahib.

We on the other hand never abandon the target. When challenges set in we can change into the next high gear and cast the net wider to save the project. Where necessary, we can love our men and the sponsor on a balanced scale so that no one feels deprived.

The measure of intricacy is a design built with a level of carefulness that should earn us the head of the family status and automatic appointment to parastatal headships because we can manage many organs – sometimes literally.

When circumstances become lean on the home front, women step out to go and work harder than they have done before to bridge the deficit. Many wives have opted to leave the village to go and work as maids in Nairobi to help with provision. Others have taken up jobs as bar maids in local pubs and many more in spas where they work overtime to ensure that their families do not sink in the face of an economic meltdown.

Under all the circumstances above, the jobs require our mental attention and in most cases immense physical investment on our part. In addition, they come with heavy toll on our emotions that we have to balance carefully to still maintain our old natural outlook and temperament. Yet, we balance all the stress and strain intricately while maintaining a smile at home and serving the children their meals in the dining and Baba watoto his additional special diet in the bedroom to keep the family running smoothly.

Now, when these Babas find a sugar mummy who lessens their burdens, they go with their everything including their emotions and brain leaving, behind a suffering lot that belongs to him.