Why the alpha male may not be the best fit for modern relationships

A fit man. (Courtesy/iStock)

Described as highly intelligent, confident, and successful, the alpha male represents around 70 percent of all senior executives. They love being in charge and get frustrated when they are not at the centre of important decisions.

While every corporate may want to have an alpha at the top of their organisation the modern woman has to ask herself if an alpha is indeed who she wants as the head of her family. The alpha male was suited for the traditional family where the woman was the homemaker, the man the leader, and all their children were nominally biological.

In this setting where women and children were largely meant to be seen and not heard, the man naturally gravitated towards leadership roles which sometimes degenerated to bullying his wife and children around, he was the sole decision maker and because he was also the main breadwinner, his word was law. But this may not work in our contemporary setting where the woman, contributing equally to the family coffers, may want to be equally consulted in the major decisions of the house.

With the increase in the number of blended families, we also need a man who will understand that the father of your children can still be in the picture and the two of you can meet without having sex. The alpha, with his dominance, may not want another man hanging in his space, baby daddy or not. Being naturally competitive, he will seek to win even in instances that people can co-exist together. His territorial spirit is not suitable for co-parenting.

Confidence is a hallmark of alphas and you can imagine how this can play out in the family setting. Having unwavering belief in his abilities, it will be almost impossible to get him to understand that he is not the pro he thinks he is. In the game of love where there are no referees or spectators, it will be almost impossible to get him to understand that each woman is unique and what worked for Wambui may not necessarily work for Moraa. His ego may not allow him to accept criticism and to accept that there will be instances where he will have to unlearn what he held as true. When it comes to love, the one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work, a man needs to learn what makes each of his women tick!

Perhaps when it comes to marriage, what the contemporary working-class woman needs is a man who is willing to co-exist with her. A man who will not be keen to stamp his authority but will be willing to listen to his partner and show that he values her opinions.

A man who will be able to step in and raise her children as his own without feeling threatened by the baby daddy. In a world where people are always jostling for power, perhaps we need a sober partner willing to lead without screaming his authority.

A man whose purpose would be to raise a happy family where all members feel valued, appreciated, and included despite their flaws. A man who will bring out the best in children without making them competitive. Such men are rarely alphas!