Tough love: Why dads are harder on sons

Father and son talking. (Courtesy/iStock)

The International Father’s day celebrated across the globe is a day set aside to honour and appreciate fathers and father figures in our lives.However, during my career as a barber, I have noticed that there is always bad blood between teenage boys and their dads.

Just recently, one of my clients, a 19-year-old boy, just fresh from high school and about to join university, came to my shop very early.

It was such a cold Sunday and I had just finished cleaning and when I asked him why he was up that early he coldly replied “Si mzae ako kwa nyumba, na mimi siwezi kaa na yeye kwa nyumba” - (My dad is home and I'd rather not be around him).

I then inquired why and he added that he'd rather hang out with his mother: “Mzae ni mtiaji na hatuwezi patana, afadhali tubaki na mum than dad.”

So I later learnt from this boy that on that particular morning,he woke up and found that his mother, brother and two sisters had already left for church and he remained at home with the father, who he does not get along withl. He claimed that his father is petty and is always looking for any slight mistake he might make, thus he avoids him like plague.

He said he prefers his mother more than his father and, whenever he wants something from the father, he goes through the mother.

The father and teenage son rivalry is not about to end anytime from now as another client told me that he was forced to take his son to a boarding school because he used to spend a lot of time with his mother to the point that he got jealous of him.

The first born son was and is still his mother’s favourite and the mother would do anything to make him happy.

Even him, the father is not allowed to punish him but he is free to lay his hands on the other two daughters.

He said that he would be in the living room watching movies or football with his girls while the boy would be busy in the kitchen with her mother preparing supper and laughing at her dry jokes. At times, he would come back home late from work and find only her daughters awake waiting for him as the son and the mother were already asleep.

When he came up with a decision to take the boy to boarding school, his wife could hear none of it and she kept coming up with excuses after excuses and eventually she bowed to pressure and the son had to go.

So, what I know is that the tug of war between fathers and their teenage sons will always be there unless they learn to understand one another. There are still good fathers out there who go the extra mile just to make sure that their children succeed in life.

They might sometimes go hard on their sons and make tough decisions for them not because they hate them, but because they want to harden and prepare them for the harsh reality of life.

Happy belated Father’s Day to my dad and all the fathers out there. I salute you!