Does my 14-year-old daughter have a boyfriend?

Does my 14-year-old daughter have a boyfriend? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I recently saw a risque photo on my daughter's mobile phone! It's a boy from her school, I think, and a bit older than her - she's 14.

This is serious, isn't it? What should I do?

Scared Mum

Chris says,

Hi Scared Mum!

Don't worry yet. At her age, you probably passed notes to each other in class. Nowadays, teenagers send each other sexy pictures and think it's perfectly normal.

Every parent hopes their teenage daughters aren't there yet. But they all are, from about 12 or 13. And those who have boys who are interested in them get sexy photos sent to them. And they send them.

Because today's teenage girls actually like the whole idea of sex. Fortunately, they also seem to be starting later. But in the meantime, they're fantasising about what it's going to be like. As parents, we don't like the idea, but that's because we've forgotten how interested we were at the same age!

So for modern teenagers, flirting has gone online. And girls are enjoying it. They say it makes them feel desirable and adds to the fun of getting close to a boy.

Anyway, your daughter won't be put off if you try to stop her. She'll say you don't know what you're talking about. That she wants to feel sexy. And that you're exaggerating the disadvantages. But there are disadvantages. Like sending things to the wrong number, or having your photos shared with complete strangers. And once you're out there in cyberspace, you can't control it.

So naturally you don't like the idea of your daughter flirting in this way. But actually, as long as no one is being pressured and everyone is aware that the pictures might be seen by other people, there's no evidence that it's harmful.

Of course, you should talk to your daughter about relationships. About treating her friends well and keeping herself safe. But really, this kind of behaviour is perfectly natural. It's just the modern version of what you and I used to do back in the schoolyard.

All the best,

Chris