I considered killing my violent husband, woman says

 

Gender Based Violence survivors and stakeholders match in Kisii town during the launch of 16 days of Gender Activism on Nov 27, 2024. [Sammy Omingo, Standard]

At 74, Priscillah still recalls the anger and violence that defined her marriage. At one point, she even contemplated killing her husband "for peace".

Married at only 18, the scars are still so fresh that years later she cannot speak out openly.

“As a child, my parents advised me to be patient and careful when choosing a husband, but I did not listen. I married the first man who came along,” she recalls.

Priscillah envisioned a marriage filled with love and happiness, but the joy was short-lived.

“I liked having everything in order, so when he disrupted the balance I would get mad and start a fight,” says the woman from Kisii County.

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Her late husband used to smoke and take alcohol a lot. In an attempt to bond with him, she tried drinking too but couldn't cope with it.

Her husband’s love for the bottle created a vicious cycle of anger and violence as often responded to her frustrations with physical abuse.

“I visited witch doctors, but they only made him worse. I remember being so fed up that I thought about killing him with a machete for peace,” she admits.

At some point she became indifferent when he brought other women into their marriage, seeing them as a way to share her pain.

After exhausting all options, she resorted to religion. Becoming a committed Christian, however, meant leaving her old ways behind, including brewing alcohol.

“In the past, it was a wife’s duty to brew alcohol for her husband, so he did not take it nicely when I said I wouldn’t do it anymore,” she says.

His friends taunted him, insisting he should get rid of her if she wouldn’t comply. According to them, women were disposable and easily replaceable.

Fearing for her life, she fled to her childhood home but her father sent her back saying it was stupid to refuse to do her wifely duties.

“One day my husband sharpened his machete and left it by the door. He went out to drink so that he could blame killing me on intoxication,” she recalls.

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Fortunately, her brother passed by and borrowed the panga, saving her life.

Yet, when the husband returned, he beat her so severely that she had to go to hospital. “He pulled a rafter from the roof and beat me. I had swellings and cuts all over my body. It was so bad I could not breastfeed.”

It was after this that her father sought another man for her. Her mother, however, advised that she return to her husband since she had embraced Christianity.

“After seeing I had survived the ordeal and held no grudges my husband let me be. This is when I realised a woman has the power to destroy her home,” she says.

With her newfound faith, their home became peaceful, allowing Priscillah to educate all her children.

“As a child, I wanted to go to school, get employed and speak English like I saw other people do but my father only educated the boys in our family,” she says.