Ten crazy things bachelors do at home alone

Ten crazy things bachelors do at home alone (Photo: iStock)

Most Kenyan bachelors and bachelorettes are good at exercising a sense of their true self when they are away from the blare of scrutiny or anyone who can judge their behaviour. Walk to any Bachelor’s house on any random day unannounced and you will probably find him smashing ugali matumbo right from the sufuria. He will also be bare-chested during this time.  Here are ten weird things Kenyan bachelors do while in their houses alone.

 Eating from the sufuria

Yes, a Kenyan bachelor will cook ugali and smash it right from the sufuria alongside vegetables in another sufuria. The math here is that there is no need to waste utensils as the time for cleaning or kuosha masahani could be used for other “productive” activities.

 Walking naked

That bachelor next door has no qualms about removing all his clothes and remaining in his bathing suit whenever he is alone. He will remove his shirt when eating ugali fry or mayai for maximum enjoyment. One will only enjoy such luxuries when there is nobody else in sight.

 Dancing provocatively

The chap could be quiet and cool out there but watch him secretly when he is in his bedsitter alone. You will not believe your eyes if you bump into him unexpectedly as he will be exhibiting the latest dance moves that can only be seen on TV.

 Taking illicit substances

He is the youth leader in the neighbouring church, but occasionally, he secretly buys cheap liquor and enjoys them out of the public glare. That is why you will find him tipsy during the morning hours at the local shop. An abrupt search in his cubicle will unearth several liquor bottles and forgotten packets of condoms tucked under his bed.

 Talking alone

You may think he is conversing with someone else inside the house, but a peep inside will tell you he is alone. This is a guy who is truly talented in having a meeting with himself where he is the secretary, chairman and member.  He can even go ahead and sing all sounds, base, tenor, soprano, and alto.

 Strange food combinations

It is rare to find someone taking ugali uji in the presence of others. But that bachelor next door enjoys this combination to the core.  This is common, especially when there is no money to purchase milk and the trip to the local mama mboga is unthought of due to accumulating debts. The chap will, therefore, consider taking uji and yesterday's ugali to avoid unnecessary stress.

 Farting loudly

The bachelor will fart loudly complete with associated sound without any remorse even if he is the middle of his dinner. Woe unto you if you go there unannounced and insist on entering his house on an urgent mission.  You will be forced to endure the bad odour in his room, which he insists is a rat that died in an undisclosed location.

Building castles in the air

He will be sitting on the couch doing nothing significant other than meditating on life issues. The dude will sit there for four straight hours, not listening to the radio nor watching TV or doing anything substantive.  It turns out that the meditation is about building residential flats and buying latest car models upon winning that Lotto jackpot.

Two hours in the bathroom

Yes, the chap will spend close to two hours in the bathroom while enjoying the hot shower, which is solar-powered.  The place also acts as his studio room from where he composes music with the sound of the running water providing perfect rhythm. There is no one to pressure him, so he uses the maximum time possible.

 Watching cartoons

This one has a special fascination for cartoons, including Tom and Cherry characters. However, he will rather keep the secret to himself to avoid backlash from friends, colleagues or significant others. Despite him approaching the 4th floor, he will be tucked in his one-room house watching cartoons and other similar programmes on his TV.  Interestingly, he will never switch on those programmes whenever there is someone around to avoid certain perceptions or unnecessary questions.