Should I get married like my friends?

Should I get married like my friends? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

A lot of my friends are getting married and I’m feeling left behind. Despite having a lovely boyfriend! But somehow I just don’t feel ready to take such an important step. But will I ever?

Left Behind

Chris says,

Hi, Left Behind!

Don’t even think about getting married until you feel ready!

That starts with feeling fully able to stand on your own two feet. So don’t marry until you’ve lived on your own for a while and feel established in your career. Learning how to be self-sufficient, pay the bills, save money and be alone without feeling lonely are also important marriage skills.

Ask yourself whether you’ve had enough social experience to tell whether your boyfriend’s going to be a good long-term partner or not. And even if he’s lovely, you still need to spend enough time together to be sure you’re truly compatible. At least a year. And that does mean together. So if you’re long-distance, don’t marry until you’ve spent enough time together in person. 

Don’t marry anyone who has anything about him that’s even slightly flaky, dishonest, lazy, or is in any way weird! He won’t change, and eventually, you’ll end up completely miserable together.

Don’t marry if either of you is on the rebound. As you heal, you’ll change, and will probably find that you’re no longer compatible any more. Don’t marry if either of you is facing personal or psychological problems. You need to get past those issues before you wed. 

Above all only marry if you’re with someone you can trust, whose personality, values and lifestyle match yours, who treats you well, and makes you happy.

And don’t compromise. Because even if your current boyfriend isn’t the one, there’s very definitely someone out there who is. And people are marrying later these days, so there’s no rush!

All the best,

Chris