Kugongewa: Of married women's secret lovers, hidden kids

A couple flirting. (Courtesy)

The world is abuzz following explosive revelations about Baltasar Ebang Engonga, known as “Bello,” the Director General of Equatorial Guinea National Financial Investigation Agency

Bello, a high-ranking government official and married father of six, found himself in the midst of a public scandal after a fraud investigation uncovered hundreds of explicit videos involving him with married women

Among the people implicated in the recordings are high-ranking officials’ spouses, including the wife of the Director General of Police, close family members, and relatives of senior government figures, including the sister of President Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo and spouses of multiple government ministers.

The scandal surrounding Bello and his high profile women also raise important questions about the scrutiny placed on public figures and the repercussions of their personal decisions. These incidents underscore the pitfalls of fame, where personal lives often become open secrets, sparking gossip, judgment, and even laughter from a captivated public.

The scandal has shaken, not only Equatorial Guinea, but has also sparked widespread conversations across social media platforms around the world.

Kenyan social media users have been, especially vocal, resurrecting famous Kenyan infidelity scandals.

Many have joked that the trend of Kugongewa—Kiswahili slang for when your partner becomes intimate with another person— can be traced as far as the times of the Bible when King David saw Bathsheba bathing on a rooftop and lusted at her.

For Kenyan comedian and media personality MC Letabo, infidelity is a painful chapter he wishes he could forget. “When I got into the media industry, it didn’t take long for fame to turn my life around,” he reveals.

“I was in the ‘playboy phase’ with a few girlfriends, but one was special—I thought we could build something serious,” he recounts.

Letabo explains that with growing fame, came a packed social schedule. He was always busy, mostly working and socialising.

“My then girlfriends had even moved with me to my one-bedroom house in Roysambu’s Lumumba Drive. For several months, all seemed well until I started sensing that something was amiss. You know the streets talk that when a dog starts barking at its owner, someone else is feeding it? At first, I did not suspect that she was cheating on me, but I remember one day, some dude called at night while we were in bed. I didn’t give it much thoughts,” he narrates.

His worst fear confirmed when he came home one day unexpected.

“That weekend, I was on my way to Narok to MC a certain event, but it got cancelled at the last minute. I decided to go back to Nairobi. Coming back, as usual, I passed by my local pub and had a couple of drinks until midnight, before heading home. As soon as I opened the door to my house, I noticed a man’s shoe. I headed straight to the bedroom and caught my wife and a stranger in the act. My heart froze. It took me a few seconds to comprehend what was happening,” he tells Nairobian.

His first reaction was to cause hell, but a strange feeling of calmness took over. After evicting the two, he went straight to the pub to drown his sorrows. With that, he got into depression and took refuge in drugs and alcohol until he saw the light again after several months.

A while back, popular comedian Flaqo came out strongly to refute claims that he had broken up with his girlfriend , Keranta due to cheating. Rumour mills had it that Flaqo who had gifted his girlfriend a car, took it back after finding out she cheated on her.

In 2018, 23-year-old Wazir Benson Chacha Masubo broke the internet after allegedly extorting money from Kenyan MPs and senators.

Chacha who had gone into hiding in Tarime, Tanzania before being arrested, is alleged to have seduced the women legislators, putting them in compromising situations before conning them. He is also said to have CCTV footage showcasing every secret detail between him and the female MPs. Photos of former Bomet County Woman Representative Cecilia Ngetich in bed with Chacha surfaced on the internet adding fuel to the already lecherous situation.

Radio presenter Shaq The Yungin is said to have been heartbroken when news broke of his ex-girlfriend TikToker Cindy K hooking up with his then best friend and colleague at the station, Sean Preezy.

In her defense, Cindy countered the accusations with allegations of mistreatment and physical assault by Shaq. She further rubbed salt to the injury claiming that she had found comfort in Sean.

Former Kirinyaga Deputy Governor Peter Ndambiri found himself in a compromising situation when he was busted butt-naked with a woman, who he later accused of fixing him.

The sex scandal forced the deputy governor to leave the fifth edition of the devolution conference that was going on in Kakamega County.

In his defence, Ndambiri said; “I didn’t know she was married. In fact, I was planning to visit her family for bride price negotiations.  She didn’t tell me she was married,” pleaded the cornered politician.

The scandal surrounding Bello, and similar stories raise important questions about the scrutiny placed on public figures and the repercussions of their personal decisions. These incidents underscore the pitfalls of fame, where personal lives often become open secrets, sparking gossip, judgment, and even laughter from a captivated public. While some, such as MC Letabo, grapple with personal fallout and seek refuge in solitude or drugs, others face public demands for accountability.

“Infidelity, it seems, is a flaw not limited to a specific culture or profession,” comments Beatrice Njuguna, a sociologist. “What’s different today is that social media brings these private moments into the public eye, making them accessible to anyone with an internet connection,” she says.

Njuguna explains that people are captivated by these stories because they often reflect underlying insecurities or personal disappointments that resonate on a deeper level. “Celebrities or high-profile figures act as symbols, and when they falter, they give the rest of society a kind of release. But the intensity of public response often says more about the viewers than the subjects of the scandal,” she notes.

Reasons for cheating

In the shifting landscape of relationships, a growing number of married women are discreetly active in the dating field, living dual lives that challenge traditional notions of marriage and fidelity. While the reasons for this trend are diverse, they often centre on a longing for emotional and physical connections that some feel is missing in their marriages.

Relationship experts say many married women who seek companionship elsewhere are not simply driven by dissatisfaction, but by a desire for validation, adventure, or a deeper connection that revitalises their sense of self.

For some, the availability stems from feeling undervalued or invisible at home, where routines and family responsibilities can eclipse romance and excitement.

These women are often successful professionals or busy homemakers, who, despite fulfilling their roles as wives and mothers, feel a part of themselves remains unexplored.

A discreet relationship outside of marriage can fill that gap, providing emotional affirmation or passion without disrupting their primary family structure.

Psychologists note that, unlike stereotypical depictions of infidelity, these women often remain committed to their families, finding balance between their roles and their “second lives” with careful planning and discretion.

Secret DNAs and children

In some cases, however, the relationships extend beyond a simple affair, leading to unexpected complications—particularly when children enter the equation. A surprising number of women who engage in these extramarital relationships end up having children with their lovers, a fact that often remains hidden from their spouses.

Known in some circles as “middle children” or “quiet secrets,” these children unknowingly introduce a layer of complexity and secrecy into the family. The practice is far from new, but in today’s world of advanced paternity testing and evolving family dynamics, the truth sometimes surfaces in unexpected ways.

From ancestry DNA tests to routine medical checks, secrets that were once tightly guarded can emerge, reshaping family bonds and bringing unresolved questions to the forefront.

A report by The Bioinformatics Institute of Kenya showed that out of every 30 men who undertake a DNA test, 10 are raising children that are not biologically theirs. According to the report, Luhya and Mijikenda men are raising children that are not biologically theirs, compared to men from other tribes.

Majority of tests done by Somalis are done to help them connect with long lost relatives.

Luo exlusion rate stood at 35.20 per cent while Kisii and Kalenjin exclusion rate stood at 34.90 per cent and 34.40 per cent consequently. Fourty per cent of all tests were carried out by Kikuyu men.

Majority of DNA tests are done discreetly for personal knowledge, 93 per cent of all DNA tests were non-legal tests, while seven per cent of the DNA tests were for legal use.

While some families navigate these revelations with grace, others find them deeply disruptive, sparking difficult conversations about trust, identity, and family loyalty.