Marriage, money, and maturity: What older generations want you to know

An old happy couple. (Courtesy)

I know stupid people also grow old and that wisdom cannot be plucked from the air even if one has a thatch of grey hair on their scalp or no hair at all.

Both are a sign of old age and a testimony to many years of experiences gathered on earth, some by experience and others by observation. The coastal people say ukiona mwenzako ananyolewa tia kichwa chako maji forgetting that there is also the option of simply running away from being a victim of what you can clearly see coming.

When old people talk to the younger ones, they wield the kind of authority that comes with being in the trenches in person or having seen people coming out of the culverts with the skin of their bellies peeled off from miles of crawling on gravel. Much as there are all forms of variations in social advice, there are two areas that draw similar opinions from all older folks. One is the universal encouragement they offer young people to take their education seriously to ensure their future.

I mean, those who went to school experienced the beauty of life that monetary luxury can afford, yet those who lacked education also experienced the hardship caused by lack of sabuni ya roho. Both parties agree that education and money have a direct correlation. I guarantee that no amount of research would challenge this fact. The other element that all old persons agree on is the fact that marriage isn’t a trophy to be won, that it can wait until one is well prepared to deal with the extremes it entails. By and large, all currently old people think marriage is a great thing.

There will be a battalion of women who spent their entire adult lives not hitched to a man who will have every point and reason against marriage. They will say as single women, they had the power to rule their lives and direct it in any direction without having to listen to the opinion of a stranger. These women will tell young girls that they had a lot more sex than the married women who stayed in unions that grew stale with time and gave birth to big cold beds that never squeaked for years on end.

Beauty of money

On the other hand, they will say that they enjoyed absolutely noisy bedrooms and used the freedom to see many different ceilings in different cities and also tried everything under the sun. Those who are pro marriage will advocate for better preparedness to ensure that two people signing up for the long winding life together have enough economic preparedness to lubricate the rusty path and rid it of boredom. You see, the happiest marriages are not necessarily devoid of differences and pain points, no. Older people have witnessed the amount of healing that money can infuse into a marriage as it ages and slows down with time. The beginning of any union is built on youthful energy and promise that excite but over time, the brutal energy wanes off and is replaced by skill. Money is a key skill and many older persons will advise emerging adults to try and save it for the rainy days ahead.

Money can afford gifts of all forms to transition some hard patches of a marriage. I mean, when two people cannot talk about themselves and attraction for each other, they could resolve to talk about drawing a detailed itinerary for a month long holiday in Europe. My advice is that when older people dispense wisdom, remain vigilant and critical of some of the clumsy inputs but never ever question when they say money will be necessary.  A marital union is more of an agreement to face responsibilities together than a guarantee to lifetime of excitement.

When you see the modern laws defining and providing for rulings on sexless marriages, it is because there are many dead beds that have not known the stain of sweat or acid phosphates and zinc from stray semen. Yet, they started with breathtaking energy in their youth but got broke and broker over time and eventually got taken over by the strain of lacking any luxury in life. Such is life.