Why raising Gen Z kids is a tough balancing act for modern parents

Mother and daughter having a conversation. (Courtesy/iStock) The sinuous act of raising Gen Zs is no small feat. This week started on a sad note following the demise of the daughter of Actress Nyaboke Moraa, Marie Achieng, on Sunday. Kenyans, including celebrities, have commiserated with her. Like any other young and modern parent, Moraa did not shy away from showing off her daughter on social media where she enjoys a good number of followers. Whether it was rocking matching outfits or proudly posting her photos, theirs was what many term mother-daughter goals seemingly attainable to the naysayers of such. Moraa's kids were fathered by three separate men. Her eldest daughter, who is no longer with us, was fathered by digital marketer and prominent figure Blak Aende, and her third and last child was fathered by the late Kenya Sevens rugby coach, Benjamin Ayimba. When Marie celebrated her 19th birthday, her mother's joy was self-evident. "My little girl turns 19 today, child of my youth. May God expand your territories, cover your steps and give you your heart's desires. Mama loves you so much. This year your birthday comes at a very trying time for us, but Mungu yuko. Happy birthday my Achieng," she posted on her socials. Despite the glamorous and illustrious lifestyle around her family, Marie chose to be the opposite and lived a low-key lifestyle with her private social media accounts. When news of Marie's death was broken by her mother's friend and fellow actress Sandra Dacha, social media was muddled with different accounts coming out to give different accounts of a disturbed relationship. To her parents, it was the death of a firstborn child and they mourned her. Her father Blak Aende penned a short and emotional tribute saying that he can't question God. "It's a dark day. I can't question God, I leave everything to Him (God)," he posted on his social media. Moraa too, was full of emotions. "Ntaanzia wapi (Where will I start from?)" She also shared a video she took with her daughter dancing and captioned it: "My baby," Already plans are underway to give her a befitting send-off with her burial slated for August 10, in Kadongo, Kisumu County. Social media was flooded with online articles eliciting hatred and spite as netizens bayed for Moraa's blood. They were the judge and the jury and the matter played on public court could not be contained as the tabloids chewed on the matter mercilessly. From the alleged texts, Marie seemed to be distressed as she opened up to her friends about the unhealthy relationship she had with her mother. "I had to go stay with my shosho for a while cause of that... she has a way to abuse both physically and verbally," Marie said in the alleged texts. "How I was acting, it is a very dumb excuse because why would you blame a child for not turning out how you expected? Crazy... nilikuwa nashinda nikitoroka home because I couldn't stand how they were treating me." American author Jill Churchill once wrote that there's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. For someone who became a mother at the age of 19, Moraa has been judged as being too harsh to her daughter but the intricate balancing act of being a modern parent is not a small feat either. She has had a tough year and has lost four family members. She lost her grandmother, niece, brother, and now daughter. Mothers always strive for the best for their children, and daughters often find inspiration and counsel in their mothers. Although the dynamics of their relationship may change over time, one thing remains constant: the unwavering, unconditional love they have for each other. The task of raising Generation Z can be fraught with unique challenges, primarily due to their exceptional upbringing and the rapidly transforming landscape of contemporary society. Ivy Sharine, a university student says the gap between modern parents is caused by a misunderstanding of societal norms. While modern parents want their children educated and try to give their all, the former also end up wanting to have all the control, which at times causes rebellion. "For us Gen Zs, empathy and understanding are key. We prefer a parenting style that promotes open communication over one that relies on strict authority or harsh discipline. "We are more inclined to react positively to parents who offer support and listen attentively, rather than those who impose rigid rules and harsh consequences," she says. Social media influencer and professional psychologist Mercy Masai says: "Modern parents have found themselves in a tricky situation in monitoring and balancing traditional parenting duties with new-age concerns like excessive social media and technology exposure. "This multi-dimensional role calls for adaptability, information, and proactivity in one's approach to child-rearing while maintaining a balance between nurturing independence and lending a guiding hand," she says. Masai opines that modern parents must develop a wide-ranging skill base, including emotional intelligence, technology literacy, and cultural awareness to adequately support their children in a changing, increasingly globalising world. "In psychology, the Ecological Systems Theory, by Urie Bronfenbrenner, is one theory that can assist parents in looking at a child's development within the understanding of multiple and interconnected environmental systems. This theory finds application in helping parents identify and harness all influences, from family interactions to broader social aspects, for a child's healthy growth. As modern parents, we must balance our social lives while ensuring we participate in our children's development, be part of their social lives, and contribute to fighting their psychological wars," she adds.

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