Love or duty? The silent struggles of women with alcoholic husbands

Drunk man on the sofa. (Courtesy/iStockphoto) Just the other day, I bumped into my longtime client Baraza. It's been a while since he last came to my shop and I couldn't recognize him but he was the one who spotted me first and he stopped to say hello. I knew Baraza some few years ago and he was a lean tall guy. By then he was struggling with alcohol and I would most of the time shave him while dead drunk. He has now gained weight and looks healthy and when I asked him about his sudden transformation, he told me that he decided to quit alcohol and nowadays he is as sober as a judge. I was very elated to hear that because the struggle I went through with Baraza during his booze days wasn't an easy one. He is a certified accountant and he used to work with one of the biggest audit companies in the country. He was expected to be neat and well-groomed everyday, so he would come for a haircut every Sunday. However, it reached a point where alcoholism took a toll on him and he could drink from Friday all through to Sunday evening. Baraza couldn't even remember to come for his weekly haircut. So his wife, who cared about him so much and couldn't allow him to lose his job by going to the office untidy would go for him at the local, bring him to the shop to get his shaved and then take him back. It was a tedious process, made even more challenging by the fact that Baraza couldn't walk on his own. His wife and sister had to support him while I shaved his hair. Sometimes, we had to lock the door because Baraza would try to sneak out whenever he got the chance, heading back to the bar. This routine happened every Sunday. Baraza often attributed his drinking behavior to work-related stress. His situation made me recall a story my mom used to tell us about one of our neighbors who used to drink so much and he would fail to report to work or report while drunk. By then, the man and my dad were working as train attendants, frequently taking very long trips to places like Mombasa, Kampala and Dar es Salaam. So his wife would pack his clothes and then go to the bar, where she would often find the husband very drunk. She would carry him on her back to the railway station just in time for the train's departure. Despite being tipsy, he would usually sober up along the way and perform his duties. This wasn't an isolated case but happened repeatedly over the years. So, when a woman goes to such lengths for a man, is it out of love or is it just driven by the fear of suffering if the man, who is the sole bread winner, loses his job? Baraza and my mom's former neighbor were almost in a similar situation but I wonder if, in this time and age, there are still women who can carry their husbands on their backs to work or the barbershop in order to save them from losing their jobs. Once again, I was excited to meet the reformed Baraza, who promised to pass by my shop and he assured me that this time round, he would not have to be supported by anyone while getting a haircut.

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Love or duty? The silent struggles of women with alcoholic husbands

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