How do I remain calm under stress?

How do I remain calm under stress? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

The people I work with can be so awful sometimes, I get really mad. However, I am sure things would go better if I didn't get angry so easily. How can I stay calm under such stress?

Calmer

Chris says,

Hi Calmer!

If you want to be successful in life, it is better to stay cool-headed, no matter what is happening around you. Calm people get just as stressed and upset as the rest of us, but they respond to those emotions differently. They observe them, rather than being carried along by them.

That does not mean suppressing your feelings - that is not a good idea. Remaining calm means considering things from a different perspective. So while you cannot control events such as traffic, you can choose how you cope with them. By leaving early for your meeting, for example.

It is also worth limiting your caffeine intake because that stimulates the release of 'fight-or-flight' hormones. And getting plenty of sleep, because your self-control is reduced when you are tired.

You should also become more aware of your feelings, and what triggers them. Learn to do that by pausing a few times each day, purposefully identifying your current mood, and thinking about what triggered it.

It may be difficult to control an emotion once it is stirred, but if you can see a trigger coming you can choose how to react to it. Being more conscious of your emotions also improves how your brain handles stress.

Practising cool and confident approaches to conflict also helps. For example, imagine responding to your annoying colleague by seeing their behaviour as a cry for help, rather than thinking 'You can't talk to me like that!'

Understanding and managing your emotions has other benefits. You will start to develop better judgement and begin to see challenges as opportunities rather than problems. You will develop more independence, and become more comfortable with yourself.

You will also start seeing the world as it is, rather than just going along with how society tells us it should be. Start managing your emotions. Because however far you get, it changes everything.

All the best.

Chris