Sexual conquest, infatuation among reasons for lost interest during courtship, expert says

Sociologists say it is common for one or both parties to lose interest during the early stages of dating (Photo: Getty Images) Meeting a new love interest is like unwrapping a beautiful box in a bow. Warm feelings of romantic love envelop you as the experience unfolds, longing to see what is in it. Interestingly, the body releases happy hormones, dopamine, oxytocin, and adrenaline hormones when you are attracted to another person, and the novelty of it can drive the person wild. These hormones affect emotions, build a romantic attachment with a love interest, and push one to pursue them. And how fulfilling it is when the feeling is mutual. So, when things are going well and then there is a sudden waning of interest, one is left with questions. Don't worry. We spoke to a sociologist, Dr. Kiemo Karatu, who said that it is common for one or both parties to lose interest during the early stages of dating. No emotional connection Dr. Karatu expresses that, at first, it is physical attraction that inspires a person to pursue a romantic relationship. In some other instances, he explains that two people can get to know each other more deeply before developing an interest in a relationship. However, it is the emotional connection that makes people want to take things further. When that is lacking, they may quietly go their separate ways. The mask falls off "When people are courting, they put their best foot forward. In psychology, it is called impression management. If, say, they go on a date, they will arrive on time, be well-dressed, and conform to the other person's values to impress them. This is a mask, "says Dr. Karatu. He adds that after several interactions, the mask falls off, and one or both parties see that their love interest is a normal person and begin to see them for who they are. "They could have annoyed their potential lover or seen that their values don't match. Reality sets in, and they are no longer interested in a relationship," says Dr. Karatu. It was all a sexual conquest Dr. Karatu observes that the intention for many relationships in Kenya these days is sex. "Some people look for conquests. Once people have sexual relations, the interest begins to fade because they have achieved what they wanted. Secondly, there may be an illusion of how good the sex will be, and the reality is disappointing," he says. Unmet expectations According to Dr Karatu, a person can lose interest when they feel the other person reveals too much within a short period or too little after a while. Revealing what puts off the other person is also another reason. Clingy behaviour For some, it is a huge turnoff when the other person appears overly excited about the prospect of a relationship. He notes that people don't want to be rushed into a relationship, and a good relationship happens when you get to understand each other, and that comes gradually over a while. "Love at first sight may be seen as a sign of weakness. It can be interpreted that you don't know this person enough to be this interested; therefore, you don't care about them, or you have another agenda," says Dr. Karatu. At other times, being overzealous can work for some people because it confirms to them that there is real attraction. They are already in a relationship "A person can excitedly want to be intimate with someone else when they have just met. But when they reflect on the possible consequences, they wake up from the illusion and face reality," he points out. Infatuation wears off Before getting to know a person, some get infatuated with the idea of who the object of their affection is and what the relationship is going to be like guided by their preferences and fantasies. When they get to know the person, they realise that they are not who they wanted them to be and feel let down. They stop putting them on a pedestal and start looking for their weaknesses to justify their fading interest. They are not ready for a relationship. Granted, the interest in the other person is there, but they don't feel ready to start a relationship. It could be due to economic reasons, distance, they just got out of a relationship, they are afraid of commitment, or other factors. They were inebriated "A person can show interest in another out of being influenced by alcohol or the fun and intimate nature of a setting. The person will reason it when sober, and they will not follow it through," Dr. Karatu remarks. They only love the attention The other reason for the dwindling interest is that one or both people are more into the attention they receive from the other person rather than a relationship. It feels good to receive attention from the person who is attracted to them, and it ends there. Once it starts to get serious, they create distance. They are avoidant A person with an avoidant attachment style is likely to lose interest for fear of emotional closeness and losing their sense of freedom. Similar to the one who basks in the attention, this one will leave once it starts to get serious. Dr. Karatu finally adds that when a person entertains more than one, they may seem to lose interest. He advises people to read behaviours that show someone is not interested anymore. "Men and women communicate differently. A man will disappear instead of stating his reason for they don't want to take responsibility. He doesn't feel obligated as they don't feel the reason to. A woman may be interested to understand why, but the man may not reason the same way," says Dr. Karatu.

Sexual conquest, infatuation among reasons for lost interest during courtship, expert says

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