How do I get the fire back?

How do I get the fire back? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

My husband and I used to be fantastic in bed. But it's become a very infrequent routine. The problem is me. I started neglecting intimacy when the kids were small, and somehow I've never been able to get it back on track.

Help!

Unhappy in Bed

Chris says,

Hi Unhappy in Bed!

Many couples let their intimacy slip when their children are young. But when the kids are asleep, you should aim to be as wild as you used to be!

Start by telling your husband that you'd like to work on your intimate life together and ask for his support. Emphasise that it's nobody's fault if things have got boring, but that you'd like to spice things up. He'll be delighted!

Next, get into the habit of ending the evening with a snack on the sofa. Turn off your phones, chat about all the wonderful things in your lives, make it a point to always go to bed at the same time, and sleep naked and close together!

Sticking to the same old routine also reduces your enjoyment. So if your husband suggests something you've never done before, try it at least once, even if it sounds horrible! And if he never suggests anything new, make some suggestions of your own.

Rushing to the toilet every time you get a bit sweaty is a big turn-off. So relax and enjoy the moment, no matter how hot it gets.

Tell him if you like something he does in bed, but keep quiet if he does something you don't like. Because telling him what feels good means you'll get more of it, while he'll gradually stop doing anything you ignore.

Having a drink or two one night and talking about your fantasies will also make life a lot more interesting.

Above all, don't expect to be super successful every time. If one of you has a bad night, it's nobody's fault. So don't worry about it. Just relax and cuddle and you'll soon be back on track.

All the best,

Chris