Inside Britains most expensive home worth over sh32.6 billion

It turns out the one thing money can’t buy when you have put a meandering, fish-filled river in the dining room of your mega-mansion is the guarantee of dry feet. 

“Oops,” cries billionaire John Caudwell, losing his balance and teetering on a stepping stone as he reaches for the light switch.

“I haven’t fallen in yet,” he says, quickly balancing himself as shoals of rainbow-coloured Malawi cichlids scarper under the dining table.

Er, have others?

“Yes,” he admits. “A couple of people have fallen in. Fortunately, most of my friends aren’t really drinkers – if they don’t drink so much they’re not going to fall in the pond.” This is the 67-year-old Phones 4u tycoon’s favourite room within the £250million Mayfair residence he has recently re-furbished at a cost of £65million (about sh8,496,320,040)

John showing Emily his mansion [mage: TIM ANDERSON]

I am on a mind-boggling personal tour of his 43,000 sq ft, eight-floor, 15-bedroom, London home, complete with underground eight-stack car port, which is believed to be Britain’s most expensive house.

And, even though there’s a gilded ballroom downstairs, this dining room is arguably the showstopper.

How could it not be when, floating dreamily above the water, is a 15ft preserved tree trunk crowned with silk cherry blossom, and golden lizards are climbing the wall.

Although interior designers, including Real Housewives star Dawn Ward, did most of the work, the river was John’s idea, as was the lava-inspired wall running the length of the subterranean swimming pool and sauna (pricetag £200,000 - about sh26,142,523)

John's stunning 15-bedroom, London home, comes complete with underground eight-stack car port [TIM ANDERSON)

The entrance hall to the grand mansion in Mayfair [TIM ANDERSON]

I was ready not to particularly take to the moneyman behind the opulence, but the fact that he calls the extravagant indoor stream a “pond” is a likeable sign that he hasn’t left his roots in Stoke-on-Trent.

He tells me: “I grew up in a terrace, we took the metal bath off the wall outside, carried it in and put it by the fire, and I was allowed one kettle-full of water.

“John then, wouldn’t have been able to comprehend this house in his wildest dreams.”

My tour had not got off to the best of starts.

A kalashnikov covered in butterflies is one of the quirky decorations in the home [TIM ANDERSON]

Emily takes a seat in the mansion [TIM ANDERSON]

Stepping into the palatial hall, I was informed it was a “no shoes house”. Which led to me standing before a billionaire beneath crystal chandeliers, with my big toes poking out of holes in my tights.

Thankfully, he took pity on me, and the boots went back on.

For four years, John’s 300-strong team has been doing up the 1880s mansion, actually, two joined together, one of them once owned by the Sultan of Brunei’s brother. We begin in the ballroom, which holds 120 people and where the gold leaf alone cost £28,000 (sh3,659,953)

The dining room has a river of fish running through it [TIM ANDERSON]

For four years, John’s 300-strong team has been doing up the 1880s mansion [TIM ANDERSON]

It was key to John buying this place. Since selling Phones 4u for £1.5billion in 2006, John has been dedicated to philanthropy, fundraising for seriously ill and disabled children through his charity Caudwell Children, and for research into Lyme disease, which affects himself and his family.

He has pledged to give 70% of his wealth away when he dies – although his five kids won’t be left too hard up.