Marry a beautiful woman at your own peril

• The pizza or burger in a fast food joint has no resemblance to the one on the huge signage or poster on its walls.
• That is a fact of life. Here is another one: beautiful women are like that burger on the poster, always good on the eye, the heart yearns for her until you get her and you wonder why did you exactly bother?

I can confidently state here that extremely gorgeous women are never half-worth the trouble they put men through. There is always something fatally wrong with them. Actually, many men are often painfully aware of this fact, the reason even players and seemingly handsome men will go for the most average woman when it comes to serious dating or marriage.

The unspoken code among men is that average women are better in all aspects of life because of what we call ‘compensatory factors’. They (average looking women) are aware that they lack something vital and always strive to compensate for it in all fronts, from cooking, to manners and better still to where it matters most: bedroom.

Not so with beautiful women. For one, they are mostly a great pain dating or dealing with. Many have this mistaken belief that they are the axis the earth rotates on, and the orbit the earth revolves around. Typically, you must worship the ground they walk on and you must attend to their every single whim and tantrums.

Most gorgeous women are dull and totally disinterested in anything other than what looks back from the mirror. They don’t make any attempt even to read an interesting book or watch a good movie to help them nurture a sufficient intellectual mettle to sustain a decent conversation. And when they do, they are too snobbish to participate in a conversation with ordinary mortals.

Beautiful women equally have this annoying habit of overrating their beauty assuming they are Halle Berry or Scarlett Johansson to every man, forgetting that men are attracted to different things on the female body. I have met men (and surprisingly a huge number) who don’t fancy huge bottoms at all. I also know men who don’t care about facial beauty. So when I flirt with a pretty woman without any erotic intentions and she treats me like a leper, it gets my blood boiling.

This insecurity is purely unnecessary. Most beautiful women are very misanthropic. They think every man wants to tap and disappear, thus they tend to be overcautious. Yet, being overly cautious is step one towards a stupid mistake.

My other gripe with beautiful women is they are lazy. Nearly all of them-from the self-proclaimed models to the busy career lady-if beautiful, she probably can’t cook to save herself from a refugee camp. And when they cook anything beyond boiling eggs, it is normally lousy accompanied by that sympathetic look of ‘look, I’m beautiful it absolves me of every shortcoming’. Utter nonsense. Besides, as many men as possible have told me of how gorgeous women are lousy in bed. Very average, they never try anything and totally averse for any experimentation.

For me beautiful women are only good as trophy girlfriends; to flaunt to our male peers and make other women especially those who rejected us feel jealous. But just like all men, past a certain age, you know beauty should rank the lowest when selecting a suitable life-long partner.

And finally, given many men pursue beautiful women, these women invariably know they are constantly in demand. This makes them proud. This makes them dismiss suitable men. This makes them single and vulnerable most of the time. The older they get, the worse it gets. I can bet here that, some of the loneliest, bored people are those poster-beautiful women. They should change and loosen up.

@nyanchwani