When touch is a touchy subject

Photo; Courtesy

Teachers clearly need to be aware of what types of touches the various children in their classrooms appreciate and which they don't.

My niece lives and works in the United Arab Emirates. She recently asked me to decide on a pre-school for her four-year old daughter who lives with us. In the first school I visited, the classroom was very attractive and well-equipped, and the teachers were friendly and helpful in answering my questions.

I observed a class in progress, and noticed that the teachers were talking pleasantly with the children but were rarely touching them. It seemed the school has a policy of minimal touch.

I was struck by a very different atmosphere in the second school I visited. A teacher was reading to a small group of children, but they were all snuggled up with her on the couch, two on each side. Coming a bit late, a girl happily announced, “I’m here,” and then ran to the teachers for hugs.

When the teacher intervened in an argument between two girls, she put an arm on the shoulder of each and helped them to calm down and talk things through.

This school seemed to be far more nurturing and I decided to send the child there believing that the most important single characteristic of an early childhood programme is the quality of teachers’ interaction with children.

For most of us, whatever our ages, when we are touched gently on the shoulder or given a friendly hug, we feel good about whom we are and know that we are cared for. Young children spend many hours in group settings like school and they can’t wait to get home in the evening to get the message that they are cared for and valued.

Feeling valued

Touch is not the only thing that communicates this message, but it is a very important one. To give children warm touches, have them on your lap, and respond when they are in distress is to give them the essential ingredients to a healthy sense of feeling valued, nurtured and safe.

Extending this kind of atmosphere and interaction in out-of-home settings like school is vital. Children live in the moment — when their feelings or bodies are hurt, they need a responsive adult right away.

As a parent, you would not dream of ignoring your crying child — you want a teacher who will offer the same degree of comfort and security. Forming a strong attachment to their caregivers makes children feel competent and capable to explore and develop emotionally.

Teachers and other staff express warmth through physical affection and positive messages, such as holding the child’s hand, hugging, smiling to communicate frequently with the child.

However, to conduct themselves in ways that are both respectful and nurturing, teachers clearly need to be aware of what types of touches various children in their classrooms appreciate and which ones they don’t.

These likes and dislikes will depend on a particular child, her age, her cultural and family experiences and her relationship with that teacher.

Developmentally appropriate touch

Teachers must reflect on what is age- and individually-appropriate. For instance, lap-sitting and rocking may be age-appropriate for a toddler, but may not be for a school-age child.

A back-rub may be appropriate for some preschoolers, but not for all. A hug between a female teacher and a male child may be culturally appropriate but not for children who follow a faith that considers touch-appropriate only when it is between members of the same sex.

Interactions with children must be based on individual relationships, reflecting a particular child’s specific wishes and needs. When we are responsive to each child, we help children develop a positive sense of body awareness and empower them with a strong sense of body ownership.

Further, teachers must keep in mind that the social and cultural contexts under which children live affect the kinds of physical interaction that children and their families find acceptable.

For instance, many teachers routinely touch children on the top or back of the head. However, in some cultures, the head is considered sacred and touching it is taboo.

Giving a hug or back-rub to a child from certain cultural backgrounds could cause great discomfort. Instead of either avoiding physical contact entirely or using it indiscriminately, teachers must determine on an individual basis whether or not a touch will be considered appropriate and then interact accordingly.