Why a man doesn’t need consent of first wife to embrace polygamy

By Alexander Chagema 

Men crave three things in life: money, power and women. Whereas the first two have constantly eluded millions of men over the years, the third is guaranteed, situation in life not withstanding. Everything in a man’s life is about women, the epicentre of his universe. Born of woman, man spends his entire youth chasing after women. For some of them, the excitement of the chase and conquest diminishes after marriage and there is need for re-awakening.

Male Members of the National Assembly found unity in purpose and ganged up to rubbish a clause in the Constitution that obligates men to seek the consent of the first wife before marrying another woman. The tyranny of numbers had its way and women MPs can seeth and rant all they want, they don’t stand a chance of tying down conniving men and contain their randiness.

In the book of Ephesians 5: 22 and 23, it is written: “Wives , submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord , for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.”

I am quoting these verses for argument in the context of “ seeking consent.” They reaffirm the biblical analogy of creation which avers woman was created for man, Genesis 2:18. The woman was an after thought. This verse precludes the need for consent from the first wife in the event the man wants to marry again. In exodus 21:10, polygamy is not condemned nor frowned upon. There is only one condition, that the first wife must not be subjected to neglect. The tragedy of most polygamous marriages is that the elder wife often finds herself in a disadvantaged position when all attention is paid to the much younger new arrival. 

Another reason why a man need not seek his wife’s consent is essentially because he is the sole provider. If he judges himself to be emotionally stable and financially able, well and good.

Marriage is not, and will never be a bed of roses. It requires both parties to be versed in the art of compromise, yet compromise is not a word many couples subscribe to. Some marriages are miniature war zones in which the man is constantly under siege. These men are likely to marry a second wife if only to defuse some of the domestic mines. As such, the woman becomes her own worst enemy.

It may sound preposterous, but the success or failure of marriage hinges on sex, the frequency or lack of it. Men have higher sexual drives than women. Lower sexual drives, fatigue from doing all the office and domestic chores sometimes conspire to compel women to deny men their conjugal rights. Others do it as a punishment or use sex as a bargain tool to get certain favours. The consequences of that denial are predictable.

Polygamy is not such a vile thing. It may be good to know where the man is as opposed to having him ran all over the likes of Koinange street with strange women and have strange children coming up later in life to rock the boat when the ticker has stopped. The number of men being hauled before court, slapped with alimony, is on the increase. Why not let them marry and free our courts of petty cases to reduce the backlog there? That old mama who has too many daughters and grand children in her homestead is amenable to polygamy, why fight it?

The ratio of women to men is closing in on three to one. It will be to their own advantage if women chose not to be selfish and share the few available men. 

I don’t know much about Islam but my understanding is that the acquisition of several wives is permissible.

Women parliamentarians should know better and expend their energy where it is useful. Trying to legislate on men’s libido is a no go zone.

The consolation is that even if the president accents to the Bill, it does not mean all men will have brand new wives soon, they only needed to have some free space, being the cowards that they always are.