Women expect too much from men

By Oyunga Pala

The newspaper caption read ‘What do you do, as a wife, when your man is not performing his God-given duties?’

Well, a thoroughly frustrated wife from Nyondia village in Naivasha decided to humiliate her husband, by parading him in public in front of her jeering friends and castigated him for not performing his manly duties.

I found this highly depressing. The series of pictures that made the paper showed an extremely embarrassed man taunted and jeered by women who were probably saying things that would make the average man to snap.

They tagged at his T-shirt, swatted him with twigs and hissed at him.

chuckle

In my book, that was straight out sexual harassment in total contravention of Chapter 4 in the Bill of Rights. That man’s dignity was trampled in a manner that only an older, once-virile man would understand.

It is unfortunate that this sort of male bashing is presented as humour in mainstream media. When violence against men makes the news, whether physical or verbal, it is always delivered with a muffled chuckle.

Despite efforts towards establishing gender parity in this country, underneath it all, women still expect men to be men, meaning to primarily function as conduits for pleasure, comfort and protection.

Men who do not live up to the expectation these days are openly ridiculed. In the past though, when a man failed to deliver in bed, discrete arrangements were made to compensate for cases of neglect. Private affairs were never settled in public.

In the contemporary era of reality TV and live radio, problems are subjected to an opinion poll and when things get thick at home, just pick the phone and talk to Maina Kageni.

I find this need to drag a guy out by his shirt collar for a verbal flogging out in public greatly disturbing when the man could be an innocent victim caught in a vicious cycle of frustration and alcoholism.

fond memories

Many men getting lampooned by their wives suffer from two rampant male maladies: alcoholism and erectile dysfunction. The inability to rise to the occasion when it matters is a common male problem. Some men even drink to enhance their mood.

But as one matures, bodily function diminishes and some of the lithe moves of youth are consigned to fond memories.

In the upper class, one can seek medical intervention or Viagra to salvage their dignity. However, down in the trenches, hard up and condemned to cheap liquor, options are scant.

power

Since generations of men have wielded power over women, the current generation is held liable for the transgressions of their predecessors. Ours is a hen-pecked generation but do not expect anyone to admit it openly. 

Men are still frequented stereotyped as the corrupt politician, cheating husband or the hopeless alcoholic. Yet the average guy has no access to power, is intimidated by his wife’s financial position and usually too broke to get high regularly.

Guys are in a crisis, suffering in silence, openly scorned  by women.

 

From funeral to funeral

Politicians have gradually turned funerals into place to milk social capital. As a result, bored villagers with no access to real celebrities remain enthralled by the latest coalition government intrigues dished out a funeral.

In rural Kenya, a funeral of a prominent personality is really the best place to catch up with your MP. It is a one off chance to rub shoulders the big names of the area and importantly get your local MP to sponsor a drink because his sighting in your parts will be rare after the elections.

This is why funerals of prominent personalities are elaborately laid out social events that are well attended. They have planners, caterers, freelance photographers, security, ushers, venders selling pin up badges of the deceased and, ultimately, guests of honour.

These are typically the area politicians on the campaign trail notorious for their fashionable late entrance half way through proceedings.  I always wondered why they could never keep time. Well as I came to find out, it is because they are on a circuit, hopping from one funeral to the next on a busy weekend.

This might explain why a politician can walk in royally late, disrupt the ceremony, be granted a place in the speaker’s program and leave as soon as they finish talking as long as they remember to say that they were held up at an earlier funeral.

It shows that they are caring. You would think they would at least stick it out and wait for the final rites but sorry; another funeral awaits their honourable presence. 

It is ridiculous how the passing of well-known personalities draws in politicians much like vultures to a carcass. Like the notorious scavengers, they hover from one funeral to the next feeding off grief.

You would even think their eyes are forever buried in the obituary pages.