Intercourse during pregnancy?

I am six months pregnant and very confused. My sex drive has gone down but my boyfriend still pushes me into intercourse many times. Sometimes it is painful and I think it will hurt our baby. Please advice me on the safety of sex during pregnancy (especially for the baby); how far into pregnancy can one continue having intercourse, and are there safe sex positions during pregnancy? — Silvia

Your take

Silvia! Pains during intercourse are generally caused by lack of good preparation or infection. Therefore, prepare yourself psychologically and your body will be ready. How far into pregnancy one can continue having intercourse depends on one’s feelings and health status. But under normal health conditions, one can enjoy intercourse up to a few days before birth. To be on the safe side during intercourse, he should avoid resting on your stomach and it is recommended that you lie down flat on your back.

— Ali

You should understand that as much as sex is physical, 95 per cent is psychological. Have a good attitude towards sex and your partner. Unless you appreciate that he is the right person to be intimate with, you will always be low as far as sex is concerned.
Sexual intercourse can never harm the baby. It is intact inside the womb and is covered with amniotic fluid that guarantees total protection. The male organ can never reach the ‘house’ of the baby unless you two are in a bad position. By ‘bad position’ I mean something like what is called ‘the missionary style’ which is the commonest among many people, viz, man on top. This will not only cause discomfort to you but also to your baby. You can have sex even on the delivery day if the right positions are maintained. You can try sitting on a high position while your man is standing and the game will continue, or better still, bending and your man reaching you from behind is harmless.

— Mary Chege

Intercourse during pregnancy cannot hurt the baby. It is the positions you adopt during intercourse that matter and that is why you feel pain sometimes. Depriving him will just worsen the situation, which may lead him to extramarital affairs. The good position is you being on top but also seek a doctor’s advice on positions.

— Kevin

Silvia! You are the one in pain so you should look for some good words to tell him about this. Note that the baby will never be hurt during intercourse while in the womb because there is adequate protection for the baby. You can have sex to the last minute with absolutely no harm to the baby. Look for a comfortable position that will not hurt you during intercourse. Still, talk to him and I am sure he will understand.

– Ann

My Take

From the contributing readers, two themes clearly emerged: That intercourse may continue to the last minute, and that the most important thing is position. Bravo! I say to you although I have some distant thoughts that your opinions are based on what suits you best (especially the guys). Nonetheless, that is the bare truth but before you go popping the champagne and start quoting Taurus every time you need intercourse while she is expecting, take into account that the two arguments above are a tip of the iceberg.

You may find it interesting to know that many couples find intercourse during pregnancy fascinating despite the changes in the anatomy of the woman. On the man’s side this is fuelled by the subconscious satisfaction of not worrying about the lady conceiving — since it has already happened — relief of contraceptive fatigue, for example condoms, and the thought that she has within her the most valuable gift that she could ever give to you. After a chat with Dr Bridget Wairimu recently, I however, learnt that this may not be the case for all couples and that the hormonal status may vary at different stages of pregnancy.

Wairimu, who is a private Consultant Gynecologist in Nairobi confirmed that a woman is likely to enjoy sexual intercourse during the early and mid stages of pregnancy mostly due to improved vaginal lubrication, absence of birth control medication and the enlargement of genital organs thus easing the ascent to orgasm.

Juliet*, a mother of one, in an interview on this revealed that she experienced her first and only orgasm while she was going through her pregnancy.

Sometimes intercourse during pregnancy is difficult and less pleasurable especially in the later stages because of fatigue, immense effort and caution required, nausea and the fear of hurting or causing discomfort to the foetus. During such stages, both parties indulgence is sought to either mutually agree to postpone intercourse or if extremely necessary explore alternative positions.

When not to have sex during pregnancy:

While sex is acceptable to the first contraction, Dr Wairimu has some reservations for isolated cases.

1. If either of the parties has an active STD:

Any disorder relating to the genitalia should be carefully assessed and intercourse should stop immediately as this may cause complications; also for the safety of the unborn child.

2. Unusual pain and discomfort during intercourse:

This may be caused by reduced vaginal lubrication, which declines as the pregnancy advances. Anxiety in the woman mostly while being overly conscious about her figure may lead to reduced desire for sex, hence painful intercourse.

3. When one party does not consent.

Men are especially encouraged to be considerate of their partner’s feelings and to appreciate that this is only a season. Hormonal changes are more frequent during pregnancy hence there will be many times she will not want to have intercourse. Again as the pregnancy progresses, most of the expectant mother’s attention will be focused on delivery, so sex may be the last thing on her mind.

4. Against doctor’s advice. This is especially for those who have a history of premature births, or labour complications, and or, when there is noticeable bleeding regardless of the degree.

5. From 0-6 weeks after delivery. This stage is still treated as the pregnancy period since the new mother’s organs are healing and the body is responding to the new condition.

In the next issue:

I am currently dating a 34-year-old guy who is very loving and caring to me. However, he is very cautious and secretive about his past relationships never talking about them except for this one lady. The bitter bit is that everywhere I look there are reminders of her, which include presents, and souvenirs with romantic love messages. Recently, I found very intimate photos of them both. He has no answer when I ask him why he keeps them, especially because the relationship ended three years ago. I once wore a bracelet from my ex-boyfriend and he got very mad about it although he does not understand that I feel the same way. I do not know if I am being overly jealous or that it should be just me to forget about my past in this relationship. I recently found a ring, which seemed like a wedding ring with the girl’s name on it. I do not know what to make of this and I try not to think about it. The more I think about it I get convinced that he may be married to this other woman even though he has repeatedly said he is not. Am I going overboard by asking him to get rid of all those memories, and how can I find out if he is married? — Elizabeth