To a woman, marriage is not an achievement

Why do we view marriage as an achievement?

Why do we view marriage as a podium of success where a woman gets a trophy to validate how "woman enough" she is?

Why do we look at marriage as an award to declare how successful a woman is?

When a society views marriage as an achievement, we make single ladies feel like they are half women if they are not married, we make ladies chase the "trophy of marriage" and so they don't commit to a suitable man but any man who will make that "trophy" achievable, we put pressure on the married woman to act a certain way because society is watching how "successful" she is, we make the women who had to get a divorce for legitimate reasons feel like failures.

This is why so many single ladies no matter how much success they have in their personal and career life, they feel inadequate. They face a look that says "What is wrong with you, can't you find a man?", they feel like the married women look down on them because the married women act like they won a gold medal and the single ladies are still babies who "don't know much about life. Single ladies face pressure in church, at home, at work even from themselves; it's as if society is telling them "We don't trust how woman you are"

This is why many ladies focus on weddings and not the quality of marriage. They focus more on what the public will see rather than what the marriage will be in private.

This is why married women feel under pressure to "Act like a wife" in order to keep the trophy. It gets worse if she committed to a man in a hurry only to be treated harshly in marriage but society tells her to shut up and play the wife role, after all, she did win the trophy. And so marriage causes her pain than joy but she perseveres to be looked at by society as ideal.

This is why many don't understand divorced women. Divorced women are ignored, judged, mocked and looked at as dangerous. Even in church, sometimes they get looked at as if they are evil. Society doesn't seek to understand why the marriage had to end. Some women have suffered in marriage, they have been cheated on, beaten up, insulted, their lives threatened, abused and they couldn't take it anymore. The next time you meet a divorced person, find out their story before judging them.

We show how shallow we are when we look at a woman based on her relationship status. A woman can be amazing but we look at her and label her based on her love life as we say "... That woman who is single at 40... That woman who can't find a man... That divorced woman... That woman with no children..."

When you view marriage as an achievement, you will do marriage for the wrong reasons. You will do marriage for people and not for love and personal fulfilment. Far too many women look happy in marriage in the public but in private, they are hurting because of their marriage. Motive dictates everything.

Marriage is not a must, marriage is a personal choice to be responsible for one spouse for the rest of your life. It is a personal commitment, not a test of how well you have lived your life on earth.

Children too are not a guarantee in marriage, children are a gift. We don't own the children we have, they are given to us by God as stewards. If a woman cannot have children, don't beat her down and make her feel worthless. It is not in any human's power to give children.

Dear lady who has miscarried or who is barren, do not look at your situation as a test of your womanhood. If God wills and you get your child, give God glory; if not, do not let this write you off in life.

Many people have adopted, many have raised children not their own and gained fulfilment. There is no one way to live life. Walk your path. Whether you choose to not have children or you can't have children, remember love doesn't need blood relation.

Lady, if you are married and you have a wonderful and strong marriage, remember there is more to life than marriage and your family. Marriage was not the ultimate goal for your existence. God has stored so much in you than wife and mother functions.

Your ultimate reason for existence is worship. To worship God through your marriage, through your talents, through your education, through your time, through your wealth.

Yes, be a great wife and mother but do more. You are capable of being a blessing at home and outside your home. Touch more than the lives of your family, leave a mark, excel in your career, grow your business, serve the community, change the world, pursue your purpose, demonstrate to your children how to succeed, pour yourself out; when old age comes, look back and see your strong family and also a strong legacy.

If sadly your marriage ends in divorce, that does not mean your life has come to an end. Your life doesn't revolve around a spouse but around God.

Do not turn your marriage into an idol that takes the place of God and robs you your God given purpose.

Marriage is a blessing, God is the Blesser. Keep the Blesser above the blessings