Where did girls who can cook 'ugali' go to?

On a serious note,where did girls who used to know how to cook go to? Those ones that could cook for you once and you feel like marrying them the following day. Or have all of them been married or something?

Ever since a visiting female friend cooked me ballast-like thing that kept shattering into debris each time I dug in, masquerading as ugali, I banned random girls from my kitchen. Out of bounds! What's more, she left my clean kitchen looking like it had just played host to a nasty food-fight.

The most annoying bit, however, was that she sat there, giving me a dead fish eyes, expecting me to mumble, "You're such a good cook". Like seriously? After screwing up my ugali?! Good lord! Each time I eat Ugali away from my house, like I am doing now, that traumatizing experience come to mind. Things women do to men!

Girls, here is some unsolicited advise from a junior elder here. If your ugali always looks like ballast or is always so hard that one has to soak it in stew for two days before eating it, please do something. We can not continue operating like this. NO! Let that thing be soft and malleable to be kneaded into what the French call eshironje (English call it bolus).

And for the guys, the moment she starts whining, "Aki babe, you say you want ugali and there is no baking powder woiyee", or quickly starts googling the recipe, give up already! Otherwise utalilia kwa choo!