Wife obsessed with baby in old age

By Nyambura Maina

My wife wants another child. We already have three teenagers. It has been a challenge raising them. I was looking forward to retiring soon when all the children go off to college and have families of their own. Now my wife wants us to start again. She says she cannot stop thinking about having another baby. She is well into her 40s and I worry that pregnancy might be dangerous for her. Her mother seems to think it’s an excellent idea. Am I fighting a losing battle? I feel I am the only one who is thinking through this logically.

Eugene, Eldoret H

Having children is a decision that should never be entered into lightly. A parent takes on the responsibility of raising a child, a role that is challenging, although ultimately rewarding. Parents have to work hard to provide for their children’s upkeep. Children need nutritious food, clothes, safe shelter, education, medicine when they get sick and, most importantly, love. You have catered to the needs of all your three children, wholeheartedly.

Lately though, your wife has begun to have an urge to have another child with you. You have been a willing partner in the process in the past, but now you think it is unwise to have another child. What you had planned for your future does not gel with what your wife is proposing.

Having another child will feel like you are travelling back in time instead of going forward. Maybe your peers have closed the chapter on childbearing, and you and your wife will be left behind if she succeeds to convince you.

Find time to sit together and have an open and honest discussion on the matter. Explain to her how you feel about getting another child so late in life.

Make sure she understands your concerns and reservations so that she does not come to resent you in future. Likewise, try and understand her so that when you finally decide, you will not feel like you have been manipulated. Pressure from outside ought not to be entertained because at the end of the day it is you as parents who will bear the responsibility of bringing another life into the world.

Before reaching your final decision, it would be wise to go for counselling so that all pros and cons are weighed fairly. In addition, an obstetrician/gynaecologist can also advise you from a medical perspective and put your minds at ease about medical concerns and other issues regarding having another child.

Common counsel

Warm up to the idea

My second wife wanted another child as well and I was not for the idea. I am over 60 and a grandfather. I already had four children with my first wife. My second wife has one child from a previous relationship. Now she is pregnant with our child. This makes me a father in three different family set-ups. She went ahead and conceived without my consent and I’m quite angry about this development. She says that I will warm up to the idea once I see our child. I’ll have to wait and see.

Gabriel Engelbert

Gifts from God

I am a single mother of one and I would really love to have the chance to have another child. I fell out with the father of my child and I do not want to hook up with another man just for the sake of having another child.

Children are a gift from God and I believe that if you are able you should have as many children as you can. You have already raised three other children so that means that you are financially able to raise another. Put aside your own desires for retirement and a quiet life and accept God’s blessing for you.

Wayua Kioko

Brave alternative

Maybe you can have a vasectomy if you are brave enough. This way, she will not pull a fast one on you and get pregnant. I do not think that your wife understands how hard life is. If you have been the one providing for your family, it is time that you had a break. Tell her that if she insists on having that child, she and her mother should finance the whole process until the child is an adult. This might change her mind.

Jordan M.

Stop resisting

I have three children with my wife and she also wants another one because she wants to name the child after her mother. In our tradition, the first boy and girl are named after the man’s parents and the ones that come after that are named after the woman’s parents.

She loves her mother dearly and wants a child to be named after her. I am under pressure from all sides just like you. I have succumbed to this pressure because the nagging is too much. Just give in. When a woman wants something, she will stop at nothing to have it.

Muturi Festus

Overpopulated planet

There are already too many children in this world and many of them are orphans. Why not take care of the ones who are already born instead of over-populating our planet?

Concentrate on the children that you already have. If your wife is having maternal instincts, let her go and volunteer at a children’s home or school. She will have plenty of children to hold and cuddle.

Delia Tole

Pump sense into her

Life starts at 40, or so they say, but your wife’s sudden appetite for a child at her age is baffling. Please try to pump some sense into her. The fact that you are almost retiring is enough for anyone to think otherwise. Stand up and stick to your guns.

Three children are enough and she should be contended. Perhaps you do not even know the price of pampers since your other children are teenagers, born during the nappy days. You should now be thinking of your investment portfolio in your retirement, not getting babies.

Nixon Kibet, Kabarak