No gold no marriage

By Boniface Ongeri

In a community where 25-year-old women are expected to have husbands and children to boot, Mumina, 36, is single.

By her own account, potential suitors have not met a key condition that has gained currency among young marriageable women in North Eastern Province — a set of gold jewellery.

"No gold, no marriage," says Mumina, who wished to be identified by her first name only.

When the trend first emerged in the late 1990s many shrugged it off as western civilisation that would not penetrate the Somali conservative community.

Now, even religious leaders are shocked at how it is slowly complicating the simplest weddings traditions.

Instead of the few heads of cattle that would be given as dowry to the bride’s family, Mumina’s generation will accept nothing short of gold.

According to Somali tradition, which is intertwined with religion, dowry can be paid before the wedding or soon after, depending on the agreement between the bride and the groom’s families.

"It was not mandatory but a sign of appreciation," Elmi Daud, 53, a resident of Wajir says. "All a man needed was to furnish his home with beddings and utensils."

Journalist Adow Jubat says it is a normal practice in the province to give out gold before a wedding.

"We found this going on and we are only living by it. It is not that one is coerced into giving the gold, for me, I gave gold gladly because I felt it was my duty towards the one I love."

Discarding old traditions

It now appears the new generation has no issue discarding the old tradition and has turned Somali marriages to become among the most expensive in the world.

The gold demand is only a glimpse of what to expect.

"The man has to furnish his home with state of the art furniture and electronic equipment to welcome the bride," Khalif Abdi Farah, the Coordinator of Northern Forum for Democracy explains.

"Also, if weddings are held in towns, a number of vehicles have to be hired for the occasion."

The convoy will crisscross the streets hooting and honking while the occupants, majority of whom are usually women, beat drums and ululate.

The man has to plan for a lavish party. Families with money often take over hotels and hire music bands.

The norm now in most weddings is to display as much splendour and opulence as possible.

Parents interviewed, especially mothers of the bride, proudly say the display is a statement that those marrying are not your average people.

"It is a way to appreciate the girl’s worth and beauty," Hasna Yussuf, 53, said recently after her daughter’s exorbitant wedding.

The idea of asking for gold may sound ridiculous in a province where poverty levels are 64 per cent, according to Government statistics.

The extravagant sharp prices of gold have not diminished the lust for the shining gem. Indeed some of those whose dowry was a few heifers are now sporting gold jewellery after imploring their conservative husband to sail with time.

Cohabiting prohibited

Eloping in this part of the country is rare and non-formal marriages including cohabiting are prohibited.

"It is either you marry or stay away from the opposite sex. Period!" says Sheikh Abduwahab Mursal, Wajir Branch secretary, Council of Imams and Preachers of Kenya (CIPK).

The province’s urban towns of Garissa, Wajir, Mandera and Ijara are awash with single young men unable to meet the gold requirement before walking down the aisle.

We traced Abdirizak Ahmed — one of the men who wanted Mumina’s hand in marriage — to his workstation. A watch repairer, Ahmed says he cannot afford to buy even a gold earring. Apart from gold earrings, he needs to get his bride sets of anklets, bracelets and necklaces.

"I thought Mumina was joking when she told me what she needed. Man, she was serious!" he said. "It is like our women have signed some kind of treaty to demand for gold."

Strike gold or stumble

"I have shelved my marriage ambition until I strike gold or stumble on a lady who doesn’t demand it. Unfortunately, the trend is finding its way to remote villages where men seek solace when the urban women become difficult," Ahmed added.

Embarrassing scenes abound where the bride’s relatives and family protest at a man’s failure to furnish a home and provide gold.

"My wedding was cancelled at the eleventh hour. The precious metal became a stumbling block to our bliss," Mohammed Nur, who also unsuccessfully sought Mumina’s heart, said.

A spot-check on jewellery stores shows the price of a set of gold is up to Sh300, 000.Those who have met the demand usually do so at a great sacrifice.

"I took a loan to finance my wedding in 2004. I am still servicing the loan to date," Nur said with a tinge of bitterness. He declined to divulge how much he spent.

Faizal a nurse who only wished to be identified by his first name said he had to forgo financing his higher education for his wedding expenses. His friends and relatives assisted him.

Due to desperation, some men have gone to the extreme of buying gold coated jewellery but sooner or later their chicanery is discovered and they are booted.

Sofia Gedi, the Wajir Human Rights Watch Coordinator says it is unacceptable to copy foreign ideas and adopt them.

"The phenomenon came with the entrance of Somali nationals. The demand for gold has placed young men in a delicate situation," she said.

"Some ladies even demand that a man has to put up a mansion before they can agree to be married."

Such houses built for would-be wives litter the province. The houses are wryly called ‘Taj Mahal’, a comparison of the princely castle emperor Shar Jahan built in memory of his favourite third wife Mumtaz Mahal who died during birth.

But why the gold crazes?

"The demand is aimed at minimising divorce which is very rampant here", Halima Mohammed a resident of Mandera said. "What man would contemplate leaving you after such investment?" she posed.

Wajir District Kadhi Mohammed Abdalla said while the rate of divorce was worryingly high it was no excuse to make such exorbitant demands.

"What happens if they don’t happen to separate? Marriage is supposed to be a permanent undertaking. The gold demand could be surety or security the banks ask for before granting a loan", Abdalla who is also the Mandera acting kadhi said.

provide for the family

He said most of the divorces he grants are as a result of a husband not able to provide for the family.

Demand for gold and furniture could also have been triggered by the sporadic drought and diseases that usually claim thousands of livestock — the region’s economic life blood. There has been no guaranteed market for the animals after European Union banned Kenyan livestock products in 2003 on claims that Kenya was unable to control animal diseases and maintain health standards.

The lavish weddings and the demand for gold bears the hallmark of Indian marriage traditions. Before Nigerian movies became favourites some three years ago, the province was choked with Indian movies which many young women stayed indoors watching.

The splendour exhibited in the Indian weddings they watched must have made them aspire for similar treatment.

The Times News Magazine reports that India buys at least a fifth of all world’s gold each year making it the largest consumer of the precious metal.

This is due to the fact that most of the Hindu numerous gods are carved in gold.

Experts quoted in the magazine estimated that 15, 000 to 20, 000 tones of bars, ingots and jewellery is locked in Indian bank vaults and household safes.

Many people who mistrust banks and local stock markets, the magazine reported, regard gold as a tangible asset.

In North Eastern Province, some vocal religious leaders are accusing parents of ‘inciting’ their daughters and ‘commercialising’ marriages.

"Low cost wedding is blessed. The love for gold could leave many young men and women without spouses," Sheikh Mursal said.

This is dangerous as it is likely to lead young men to immorality and spread of HIV/Aids, he said.

Dowries As A Gift

However, he noted that women have a religious backing in their demand for gold. "Allah (God) says in An-Nisaa 4: And give women their dowries as a gift. Then, if they are pleased to give some of it to you, consume it with good health and enjoyment."

The desire for gold is unlikely to subside as Somalia nationals and Kenyan Somalis in the Diaspora don’t mind spending," Mursal said.

"When the Somalis in the Diaspora appear on the scene the stakes are raised. Young men who have been around give way because they know it is fight they cannot start, as they can’t win.

Now many shops are stocked with gold to cash in on the trend.

A Jeweller in Garissa says he knows of families broken up by gold.

"But it is good business for us," he says jovially.