Hi Chris,
I used to tell my husband everything, but lately, even though I have nothing to hide, I’ve started to feel the need to keep some things to myself. But aren’t spouses supposed to be completely open with each other? So why do I want to keep some things private?
Private
Chris says,
Hi Private!
It’s because being open is not quite the same as telling each other everything. Remember how you were a bit cautious at the beginning, and only disclosed your thoughts gradually?
You probably also only felt comfortable revealing things that showed you in a good light, and only later started revealing your true self. And even no,w you’ll probably still avoid topics that your husband gives you a hard time about.
But it is good to be able to talk about anything together, no matter how difficult the subject. Even though discretion’s still a good idea, some topics are best left alone. Discussing everything can even feel intrusive or controlling. Ask yourself how criticism of his mother might sound to him, for example.
You’ll also only be completely honest if you’re both good listeners, avoid judging and criticising one another, and express your feelings clearly. Because the better you are at explaining what’s bothering you, the more you’ll be able to help one another.
So you’ll have to work at being open. It’s tempting to keep your finances to yourself, but marriages work much better if you both disclose everything. No secret income, spending or investments.
Being open and honest is also the best way to stay faithful to one another. Talking about how you spent your day, who you met and what you said means that you’ll trust one another. And knowing that you’re going to tell your spouse everything helps you define where your boundaries are. Like if you realise you can’t repeat something you just said, then you know you’ve crossed a line.
Being completely open and honest with your spouse is also a truly wonderful feeling. So you’re missing one of the best things about being married if you’re not.
All the best,
Chris
