Hi Chris,
I am in a rather tempestuous relationship. Lots of great lovemaking, but also lots of stormy rows! Is there any way to know whether it’s going to work out?
Will we Last
Chris says,
Hi Will we Last!
Everyone want to know whether their relationship will last. But it’s very hard to know for sure. Because every couple starts off thinking they’ll be together forever. Then they start arguing.
Instantly you’re scared. But afterwards, you decide that successful arguments bring you closer than before, so you relax.
Even trained relationship counsellors struggle to know whether a couple will be successful. They know that the ones with the best chance of sticking together use humour well, are calm, affectionate, tease lovingly, and are interested in one another, companionable and supportive.
But that’s hard to turn into a specific prediction. So how can you tell?
By far the easiest test is a really simple idea. Count up the number of times you make love, and subtract how often you quarrel.
You want the result to be a positive number! Because couples who are going to stick together make love more often than they argue, while unhappy couples argue more than they make love. It really is as simple as that. So now you have a simple way to monitor your relationship!
Lovemaking means being naked between the sheets of course, and an argument means anytime one of you is physically or verbally abusive, has an emotional outburst, refuses to talk, or walks off in a huff. Worry if a previously positive score goes negative. And start looking for the reasons.
Because couples generally stick together if they’re loving more than they’re fighting. The other way round and eventually things will go wrong. Couples with consistently negative scores generally separate or divorce before long.
Unfortunately it doesn’t follow that if you argue a lot you’ll instantly be happier together if you get friskier in bed. You also need to figure out the causes of your arguments and fix them.
All the best,
Chris
