I was going to start with a prayer, the sort that includes speaking in tongues, as Prezzo Bill Ruto requested we must do to help in the recovery of the economy.
We know this is not a theocracy; we are a multi-faith democracy and many folks profess different things, including communing with the ancestral spirits in times of strife.
But when the Cabinet was unveiled this week and the opposition claimed this is the "formal inauguration of a Mafia state being controlled by a Mafia executive," then I thought we need a different strategy.
I guess it's time to reactivate the local equivalent of the Mafia.
I'm thinking of the Mungiki, Jeshi la Mzee, Kamjesh and other organised criminal gangs that operate in different parts of the country. I mean, if the central government is led by the supposed Mafiosi, then it is the people's right to organise their own defence at county level.
Azimio MPs allege that many of the Cabinet nominees are suspects in murder, rape and graft cases, and that Kenyans should be prepared for a rough ride ahead.
But there is another way of looking at it.
If the two dozen individuals are the best we could find from our midst-and we are 50 million strong and counting-then it could also mean the grand vices have become something of our national ethos. Rather than try to fight them, we should accept their place and expand our cultivation of those vices?
So, we could start with a Ministry of Murder, with a core mandate to coordinate hit groups between national and county governments; Ministry of Corruption, with an autonomous budgetary vote from the national Treasury to ensure its independence.
A multi-agency unit, Coverup and Legal Sanitising would be hosted under the Serious Crimes without Punishment, under the same ministry. Not too bad for a start!
