Marriage and friendship

By Jennifer Karina

As Brian made his vows to his  bride on their wedding day, something he said caught my attention. In his vows, which he had written himself, he declared, “Today, I marry my best friend!” How precious and wonderful when one marries his/her best friend.

We may not give it much thought, but friendship between spouses is important and holds a marriage together. In my experience, the common denominator in most fulfilled, lasting, and happy marriages is  the friendship upon which the unions are built. This strong friendship is evident in the beginning of the relationship and every couple should ensure it is maintained throughout the marriage.

VALUE OF TRUST

True, lasting friendship in marriage is not built overnight, but it is a journey that takes time. Just as a house is built one brick at a time, so is a marriage. Friendship and intimacy are built up one thoughtful action at a time, one kind word at a time. As the friendship grows, this results in high levels of intimacy.

To develop strong friendship,   involves becoming familiar with one another; that is knowing each other’s likes, dislikes, ambitions, dreams, personality, strengths and weaknesses. When one falls, the other lifts them up, when one is cold, the other warms him or her up, when one is lonely,  the other provides companionship.

RESPONSIBILITIES

First, learn to trust one another because in the absence of this value, friendship is impossible.

 I sometimes hear of couples who are afraid of developing too close a bond arguing that familiarity breeds contempt.

I can confidently say that familiarity actually has the capacity to create a bond that goes beyond description.

 It builds togetherness and establishes a sense of safety and contentment. The relationship grows greatly  and this strengthens the marriage. This friendship must be nurtured,  otherwise,s it will die off.

Take the case of Brian and Betty who have had an enviable marriage. Lately, however, they have become aware of a growing gap between them, a vacuum that has brought a sense of hollowness with it.

According to Betty, their relationship went well, until the children came.

The responsibilities that came with the children and other influences have caused them to drift apart. Betty often complains that Brian is too preoccupied with his work.

BONDING

In spite of her expressed desire to have more time with him, he is too busy in his pursuit of professional success to be available for her. Betty feels he is insensitive to her needs, causing them to grow apart. Their sex life is a reflection of this apathy, which makes her feel lonely in the relationship. The emotional distance, which keeps widening every day, hurts her much.

What Brian and Betty is experiencing resonates with many.

 Their separate paths and conflicting choices have caused them to grow in totally different, and incompatible directions.

They lost the glue that held them together —  the bond of friendship. To avoid ending up like them, nurture your friendship in every level of intimacy — intellectual, recreational, emotional, physical and spiritual. There is no shortcut. You reap what you sow!

The writer is a relationship coach and author of Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; ww.jenniekarina.co.ke