Dear Greg,
I’'ve had a crush on this really hot guy since I joined campus, but it was only until the end-of-year party that I got to talk to him.
We flirted and a few days later, he came to see me. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Now he is telling me he is not ready for a relationship and it would be better if we just kept it light, in other words ‘friends with benefits’. Should I agree in hopes that he will fall for me or should I just call it quits. I am really crazy about him.
Ivy
Dear Ivy,
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There is nothing particularly wrong with friends with benefits. It can be the most honest relationship. But here’s the deal; honesty is essential. As you can see, the chap did not offer you the moon. You just had sex like consenting adults. Afterwards, he was honest enough to lay his cards on the table.
It’s up to you to return the compliment by laying your cards on the table as well. That means you must sort out your internal confusion about your interests. You must decide what it is you want and stay accountable to yourself.
If it is a relationship, then fine, give it a try. You don’t even have to tell him. You might just end up turning the tables and he falls for you as you say. Or he might not. It’s a risk. Do you have an appetite for risk, Ivy?
Calling it quits and moving on to someone who actually has an interest in you is another option. It’s a good one if you do not have an appetite for risk or if your assessment of your chances of success is low . I’m not trying to sound like a professor, but I want you to see all the angles.
Ultimately, this is what I recommend: Go with your gut. Follow your instincts and never doubt them. Do what makes your heart glad.
