Samosa hawkers have warned of a shortage and drastic price increases if the Nairobi City County government enacts a law that discourages dog keeping. This follows the publication of a bill, the Nairobi City County Dog Control and Welfare Bill (2015), which seeks to fine owners of dogs that bark for more than six cumulative minutes in an hour.
“With many city dwellers discouraged from keeping dogs, where will we get the key ingredient for our samosas?” posed one food hawker who spoke on condition of anonymity to avoid losing customers (and also to avoid attracting the attention of the city’s health inspectorate department).
Protein deficiency
With no dogs to make samosas with a lot of Nairobians will be at risk of developing diseases brought on by protein deficiency, since for most of them, samosas made with suspicious ingredients are their only source of the all-too-important nutrient.
Opponents of the bill have vowed to ensure it does not stand a dog’s chance in the county assembly. But while the opponents say it is a sign that things have gone to the dogs in the city, supporters of the bill say it will create hundreds of new jobs. This is because to implement the law, the county government will employ dog-barking inspectors to walk around residential areas with stop watches listening to dogs barking and noting down those that have barked for more than six cumulative minutes per hour.
This has sent shivers down the spines of dogs from neighbouring counties. Most of them are believed to be planning to stay away from Nairobi and are sticking to where they are free to bark. With the pool of mates to choose from drastically reduced, this will potentially lead to in-breeding among city dogs and consequently genetic diseases associated with procreating with relatives!
The proposed dog bill has also declared war on stray dogs. Stray dogs will be taken to dog pounds, a move which has already seen numerous Asian firms engaged in a bidding war to run the pounds. With the canines a national delicacy back at home, Koreans are especially said to be keen on running the dog pounds. This has even seen the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un wade into the matter.
Natural noises
“If we don’t let them take over the dog pounds he has vowed to invade Nairobi and make everyone get a haircut like his!” said a source close to former basketball star Dennis Rodman who is close to the North Korean dictator.
Following the move to regulate the barking of dogs, other domestic animals have reason to worry. This includes cocks that might be prevented from crowing at three in the morning. This will make it difficult for some drunkards to figure out when to go home since some of them depend on the cockcrow to begin their journey home!
Wags are also wondering what source of natural noise the county government will try to put a stop to next. “Who knows suckling babies who cry for more than six cumulative minutes an hour in Nairobi could soon be banned!” opined one wag. But dog lovers in Nairobi City County should not despair.
A solution that will ensure they get to keep dogs without worrying about incurring fines for barking is in the offing - a dog that doesn’t bark. This follows news that a scientist who was previously an engineer with a mobile phones manufacturer has come up with a genetically-modified dog which vibrates instead of barking!
