Good guys won’t come to you unless they know they’re welcome

Hi Chris,

I love socialising with my friends, and of course, whenever I’m out I’m always hoping I’ll meet a nice new guy. But somehow the good guys always seem to end up talking to my friends and not to me! I do my best to dress well, make my hair look nice and so on, and I always enjoy myself at parties, but still the guys I fancy don’t seem to come over and chat to me. And so the only ones who do are the useless, no-hope, chancers.

What am I doing wrong?

Good Guys Don’t Talk to Me

Hi Good Guys Don’t Talk to Me!

Unfortunately, it’s not enough to look nice, or to be sociable and fun. You also have to invite any guy you fancy to come and talk to you! Because the good guys won’t come unless they know they’re welcome.

It’s your body language that does that, so start by watching for it in the crowd around you. For example, you’ll soon spot women smiling and opening their eyes wider whenever they meet those of a man they fancy. While the men respond by standing taller, laughing and making big gestures.

The signs are the same everywhere. And the whole process is led by the ladies. So the reason the good guys talk to your friends rather than you, is that they’re inviting them to talk, and you’re not! Leaving you with the chancers.

So whenever you find a guy even remotely attractive, you’ll almost certainly feel a strong urge to look away when his eyes meet yours. Maybe you’ll giggle, touch your face or toss your hair. But it’s the way you look away that signals your interest.

Look up or sideways and he’ll feel he’s unwelcome. But if you look down, with a slight smile on your face, then you’re saying you like the look of him. Catch his eye again after a second or two, with a slightly stronger smile, or maybe a slightly anxious look, and he’s more than likely to approach you.

If by then you’ve changed your mind, turn away before he reaches you. Chances are he’ll get the message and go. But if you turn towards him and smile, he’ll say hello.

So how should you reply? Fortunately, what you say hardly matters at all! Much more important is the way that you say it. If you want a guy to like you, there’s a simple rule: match the warmth of his greeting. Not too enthusiastic or he’ll think you’re being pushy. Or too subdued or he’ll think you’re saying ‘Go away!’

It doesn’t even matter if you don’t make much sense. So long as you match his warmth, he’ll know you’re interested. And maybe you’ve just started a romance. 

All the best,

Chris.