Don’t date time-wasters filling your youthful days with fruitless romance

In my next life, I want the gods to bring me back as a fusion of Oprah, Mariah Carey, and Michelle Obama with a dash of Winnie Mandela. Oprah because she is wise and very loaded, Michelle because she has killer and well-toned arms and Winnie because she had both beauty and spunk.

Mariah Carey was not in my radar until last week when I came across a rather interesting article. This article said the musician has received a $5 million settlement from her billionaire ex-fiancé James Black because he ‘wasted her time.”

She claimed the guy made her uproot her life and then proceeded to sleep with one of her assistants. Mariah got all that cash and got to also keep her very expensive engagement ring - talk about cashing in.

This is the kind of divaness and chutzpah I want to have in my next life. Most women (myself included) often look back at their past love lives, love choices and love mistakes and recognise that were they to receive compensation, they could easily be billionaires. There is some strange chemical that causes men and women in love to be so blind that they ignore the obvious signs; that their love interest is really wasting their time.

They usually realise the folly of their ways when it is too late, when the biological clock has ticked away and when other more committed suitors have lost interest. So, for the sake of those who have not made too many love mistakes, here are a few things to look out for when it comes to time wasters in matters love.

For most human beings, it is often assumed that being in a relationship means spending hours on end chatting and also engaging frequently in certain pleasurable adult activities.

One (or both) of the parties usually shares some expectations that this relationship will culminate in something meaningful, often a walk down the aisle. Some people are so enamoured by these activities that they miss the obvious signs that they are in the presence of a time-waster.

The first sign these days is usually how the time-waster labels the relationship on social media or WhatsApp profile. It is usually expected that those in love will happily broadcast their giddy happiness by posting mushy images on their profiles or my making the love heart emoji their standard sign off.

So, if you notice that even after months of dating, your partner rarely posts couple pictures on their social media handles, then you are potentially dating a time-waster.

If you notice that your partner has described their relationship status as “complicated,” then you are dealing with someone who is wasting your time. Of course time-wasters like to tell their gullible partners that their reluctance to make their love public is because they are really very “private.” That is such hogwash! Their failure to broadcast is because they plan to one day disappear and they do not want to leave any evidence trail.

Another very telling sign about time-wasters is that they will be reluctant to be seen with you in high stakes public places or events. Just to be clear, time-wasters will not be averse to being seen in public as long as these are low stake events like buying pizza or taking a drive to Ole Polos. It is the high stakes events they avoid, like where families or cameras or media will be present.

These time wasters might ooze love and romance in private, but when in public they become monks and shy away from making any form of physical contact. In private, they may tell you that they never felt a love like this before, but in public they behave like proximity will lead to a contagious disease, or worse still, coronavirus.

I need to add that this town is also full of professional time-wasters (mostly men) who somehow manage to convince very sane and smart women that the wedding is just round the corner, only for them to bolt at the last minute.

The thing is that even these expert time-wasters drop their ball from time to time - only that the love struck partners miss these incidents. The signs could be anything from too good to be true or to verify pasts in foreign lands to mysterious disappearances on weekends or on important events.

These time-wasters are notorious for massive contradictions like saying, “You are one I want to spend the rest of my life with,” on the first date and then saying “I am scared of commitment” years into the relationship. These time-wasters will be very precise and meticulous about all the facets of their life but they only sputter and stammer whenever the words “where is this relationship headed?” come up. Sadly, many gullible men and women only figure out they were duped too late after the fact. Perhaps the only way to sort out the mess that time-wasters create is to sue their socks off - like Mariah Carey.

- njokikaigai1@gmail.com