Why Kenyan women should start paying dowry

Standard Digital’s Wambua Sammy shoots questions to prolific columnist Prof XN Iraki who is also a certified dowry negotiator.

Why is it that you prefer 'dowry' to brideprice?

It’s cool and most people think it’s the same thing.  Dowry is more oriental in the Indian subcontinent where women pay the dowry, opposite of what happens in Kenya. But, with the shortage of marriage men in Kenya, women need to start paying dowry, supply -demand issue!

You are a certified dowry negotiator. A word on how you earned the credentials, please?

Traditions, I learned from Wazees, including my dad.  He was 50 when I was born. Certification has nothing do with going to school, sitting for CATS and exams.

I can see the economist in you throwing in jargon such as inflation, appreciation, diminishing returns and depreciation in negotiations. How wrong am I?

Yes, dowry has been affected by inflation. Traditionally, dowry is constant in terms of the number of cows, goats and other female animals.  There are other items that exchanged but this depends on family traditions and they are usually sentimental. Rarely is dowry paid in terms of male animals, perhaps to show productivity. What changes is the price of the animal. Eg: When I checked the price of goats 50 years ago, it was about Sh20. Now it can go for as much as 10,000 depending on the county.  In Zimbabwe when the economy was very bad, some parents demanded US dollars to keep the value of the dowry. What I am sure is the “value the girl" has the never depreciated. Her level of education, family background, reputation can determine her dowry. Parents will often mention that while negotiating.

What do you consider when negotiating?

Family background of the couple, and their knowledge of dowry. Dowry Negotiation suffers from information asymmetry. Wazee usually use proverbs and riddles to communicate and if one is not conversant, you could end up paying more. It also depends on speed! If one is negotiating because they want to wed soon, that raises the stakes.

Obviously, you do cross-ethnic negotiations... Which communities would you say play hardball... which plays the hardest?

Obviously... I have dealt with most Kenyan communities...Wait till you get to Kiambu

From your experience, what is the average "price”?

Price is fixed by traditions...each community has the number of cows, goats, etc. what makes the difference is the price attributed to each animal and items like honey, shukas, swords etc. By the way in some cases, you must bring live animals or items, no cash equivalent.

Please describe a typical negotiation scene for us. What really goes on?

You inform your in-laws when you are coming. Typically, you send a "spy" to find what will be demanded to avoid surprises. But rarely do you avoid a few surprises like women demanding "keys", soda openers etc. Such additions are not really part of the dowry. 

Once home, you are welcomed, and whatever you have brought is received, usually foodstuffs, and shopping like sugar, flour, etc. You are then fed.   After that comes the negotiation. Each party selects its team with a lead negotiator, often a family friend or relative. Rarely do parents negotiate directly themselves. They then shift to the negotiation room, often within the compound as the rest are left socialising. In most cases, the girl’s family opens the discussion, often with a proverb or coded language. The development depends on whether you are coming the first time or not. Each community has a list of what you start with and what you end up with.  Pricing of the items is what often makes negotiation interesting.

In most cases, once the price is agreed it does not change in the future. Note that you never pay dowry if the girl is pregnant! But, you can leave what you brought to be blessed or counted once the kid is born. Dowry negotiation also depends on if the couple is religious or not. Often modern wedding and traditional negotiations are carried in parallel. If I say more about that, you have to pay me!

What have we not asked you?

If dowry negotiation can be an area of academic study. Yes, I once presented a paper on Dowry Pricing in East Africa in the USA. Sociologists, Economists, anthropologists, and even accountants are welcome. There is some beauty in our traditions. Unfortunately, our youngsters are watching too many movies...

Prof. XN Iraki teaches at the University of Nairobi School of Business. He is also a Fulbright Scholar & Certified Dowry Negotiator, xniraki@gmail.com