Dear Gentleman,

I’m addressing you as a gentleman because that’s who I assume you are. I’m not basing this assumption on how you were raised – I don’t know your history – but on who you are seeing: the lady, who is my daughter.

I raised her to be a lady and I’m supposing that she attracted one of her kind.

Call her a bitch? Not on my watch

Please, whether you’re with your peers or my daughter or alone, never call her a bitch. Whether you are annoyed with her or you just want to flow with the slang, don’t call her a bitch.

We’ve already established that you’re a human being, and a honourable one at that.

Although some girls like saying that all men are dogs, I’ve brought up my daughter to respect men, in her speech and deeds.

My son, I was also a young boy in love. Some girls broke my heart. I also broke some hearts. There were times that a heartache hurt like hell, but I never thought, not even when my poor heart was torn into shreds, of physically harming another parent’s child. My mama didn’t raise an abuser or killer: she raised a lover.

Gentleman, I’ve been where you are. I spent money and time on girls who dumped me or took my love for granted.

(I wasn’t doing this because I was buying love, but because of my understanding of love: love gives unconditionally).

And when I thought about “revenge” when I was dumped, it was “avenging” on my next girlfriend by doing better. By treating her better. By upping my TLC game.

I didn’t become twice shy once I was bitten. On the contrary, I became more extravagant in lavishing love.

Son, I’m telling you this because there are some boys who have got it twisted that a girl can’t “eat” their money just like that.

That if they spend their money on a girl, she must pay for it, either through sex or being in a relationship up until the man says so.

My daughter is independent. She’s creative. She knows how to make her own money. Plus, she and my future grandchildren have an inheritance from.

Don’t dangle your niceties above her head like a sword of Damocles.

If she wants to walk away, let her

I know my daughter isn’t perfect. But I love her that way. If and when she tells you that y’all need to take a break from seeing each other, please leave her in peace.

Just walk away ... and go and do better. Replace the thoughts of shedding innocent blood with thoughts of doing the right thing.

If you are assailed by thoughts of taking her life, run to the nearest counsellor, church or trusted friend and pour out your heart to them. In such circumstances, never react.

Think through every action and its consequences.

Son, all life is sacred. If my daughter breaks your heart, never contemplate committing suicide.

When you’re flooded with pain and heartache, don’t just think about yourself. Think about others. Think about your oyster; the world. This world needs you.

You were born to fulfill a divine purpose. And if you leave without accomplishing your earthly mandate, you will leave the earth poorer and worse than you found out.

Don’t cause your loved ones perpetual untold grief by taking your own life. You can still find love again ... and again. And, who knows, you and my daughter can still find your groove again.

Yup. I know. If my daughter is your first love, I know how it hurts to be left by one’s first love. Still, this doesn’t give you any reason to harm her or yourself.

Like I told you, as the days go, and you kiss other honeys, the bitter taste of that first experience will wear off.

Keep well.

Regards,

Josaya.