Does he fervently worship his mother? Run for the hills fast

Last week, I came across an interesting new article about this guy who has opted to lose his wife for his mother. According to media reports, the wife appears to have given her hubby an ultimatum since she felt that the mother-in-law’s presence in the house has made her life utterly miserable. While this is really a bit too dramatic and harsh, we all know many men are crazy about their mums. They believe they exist to make their mothers happy, they treat their mums like gods and all the women they meet gauged against the harsh standards of mummy dearest. 

Most men will tell you,” I am my own man” but the truth of the matter is many are their mothers’ men with mothers pulling the strings behind the scenes.

On the other hand, many women like to believe that true love can overcome all barriers, including a hostile mother-in-law. It is only when these naïve women make the transition from girlfriend to wife that they discover they are navigating serious landmines as their marriage becomes like combat.

Some grin and bear it, but many more have elected to walk away to leave the man alone to enjoy the blind love of his mother. Some women who have suffered the fate of the hostile mother-in-law informed me that they missed the signs of trouble ahead. They shared some signs which usually spell doom further down the road. In the spirit of sharing, here are a few tips.

Clinging to Mothers aprons

A guy who has lived and continues to live with his mother beyond the ‘commonly accepted’ period is bound to be his mother’s puppet. A guy who spent all his campus time in his mother’s house (especially in the main house) is bound to be fully dependent on his mother.

If the said guy after turning 18 still expected his mother to make his bed, do his laundry, wait up for him after those many late nights, then any woman who ventures close to him is in for a rough ride. If the said potential mother-in-law takes immense delight in talking about how many chapos her precious son consumes, or how he will not sleep unless on a very specific mattress then there is bound to trouble in the near future.

My mother, my reference point

There are men who view their mothers as the ultimate reference point, the yardstick of all that is good and beautiful. So, any attempt to please this man is futile, an exercise in comparative analytics which usually ends up with woman falling short. Caution should be exercised with men who use their mothers’ culinary skills (especially around their favourite foods) as the ultimate benchmark for good cuisine. You see, if a man thinks that his mother is the ultimate domestic goddess, then what chances does any other woman have to outdo her? In such instances, the affected woman needs to review her strategy and if things get untenable to change her man.

The ultimate approver

Any woman in the dating scene needs to be wary about men who consult their mother on everything. All decisions whether they be the purchase of handkerchiefs to the purchase of property must be vetted by mummy dearest.

Mummy might choose to inject their hangups and prejudices into rational decision making processes - but sons will not budge just because “mummy said so”. We know of men who have had to dump women they love all because their mums did not approve of their dressing, the slant in their eyes or their family background. So, ladies in the dating scene should steer clear of men with approver mums - such mums are hard to please.

Frequency and intensity of mummy trips

We all know that time, traffic and financial constraints make it hard for most men to make the once standard weekend pilgrimages to visit their mothers. We also know that mobile networks have saved many people from the hustle of being physically present in the villages.

However, there are some men who go to great pains to ensure they see their beloved mothers. They zealously and religiously keep all the mummy meetings; they do not let hangovers or busy schedules get in their way. These men will drop everything to honour a summons from their mothers since they think that their mums are super angels.

Marrying such a man will mean settling for second citizen status and of course any attempts to dethrone the No.1 will lead to animosity and hostility. 

There are many other signs of trouble ahead, like if the woman notices that her man disappears into another room every time he is talking to his mum, or if you notice that he keeps referring to himself in reference to his mother. 

All these points to a mother with divine status and a son who borders on a religious fanatic. One can either join the worship at the altar or step aside.  Asking a man to dump a god for a mere mortal is suicide. - njokikaigai1@gmail.com